Introduction: Iolaus, Xena and Gabrielle have just returned to find that Hercules is gone...and that he has taken Xena’s sword.
“I swear, I only left him for a minute...just to get water....I’m sorry....I’m so sorry....” Gabrielle murmured softly in a tearful voice.
Iolaus, hearing the guilt woven into her words turned to her, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. “It’s alright...you didn’t know what he’d do...it’s not your fault, Gabrielle.” Looking toward Xena, he continued in a stronger voice, forcing a confidence he wished he could feel, “He can’t have gone far...I’ll go after him and bring him back while the two of you work out the details of your plan.” With that, Iolaus turned and loped from the cave, hastening to follow Hercules’ trail.
“Plan?” enquired Gabrielle, looking at Xena with confusion filled eyes.
“Yeah,” muttered Xena as her eyes followed Iolaus, wondering if she should follow him, wondering if he would need help....but, if he had wanted help, he would have asked for it. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned back to Gabrielle. “Yeah, a plan...if we are ever going to get to the truth of what has happened, we can’t just go storming into town...we need to draw the gods out...and I think I know how to do it,” she explained as she tossed the bladder of blood she held into her hands and caught it with a decisive grin. Putting an arm around Gabrielle’s shoulder, she drew the smaller woman back to sit on the rocks of the cave. “Here’s what I think we should do....”
Iolaus could feel his heart hammering in his chest as he followed the trail Hercules had left when he had staggered from the cave....it wasn’t hard to follow, especially since the blood spattered along the way was impossible to miss. He didn’t know what he felt...fear, that Herc was about to do something stupid. His mind shied away from the most dreaded possibility, that Hercules planned to kill himself to end his grief strickened sense of guilt and agony of loss. Anger, that Hercules was shutting him out, refusing to allow Iolaus or anyone else help him deal with the tragedy of what had happened to Serena. Frustration, at his own sense of helplessness. Grief, for Hercules’ loss, and for his own...he had begun to care for Serena, had begun to accept her as a new, potentially very good, friend. Hate, for the gods who had done this. Pushing away his own feelings, he focused on the task at hand...he had to help Hercules...and to do that, he had to catch up with him. He quickened his pace, racing down the trail of blood spattered footsteps.
He was right, Hercules had not gotten far. Iolaus drew up as soon as he saw his friend kneeling under a tree, leaning onto it for support, his head down, his body heaving with the effort of drawing in enough air to fuel his journey. The sword was laying on the ground by his hand. Blood was streaming from the wound in his shoulder which had broken open again from his exertions. Iolaus’ heart twisted as he looked at his friend. Hercules looked completely spent, wasted....vulnerable beyond imagining. The last thing he needed was someone racing up to yell at him for being stupid, for trying to act with some independence.
Iolaus considered what to say as he approached, forcing himself into a careless saunter. Hearing him, Hercules jerked to attention, then relaxed back into his semistupor of exhaustion when he realized it was friend, not foe, approaching. When he reached Hercules’ side, Iolaus placed a gentle but firm hand on his friend’s shoulder. Looking around casually, he said in a careless voice, “Well, it’s a nice day and I can understand why you’d want to go for a walk, but a crutch would be more support than the sword...and you seem to have overestimated your strength and stamina...it’s not easy being mortal, is it?”
Hercules snorted, not sure how to respond. He knew Iolaus was playing the fool to ease the tension of the situation, but the comment about his lack of strength and endurance was only too true. He was tired, so tired....tired of the pain, of the guilt and loss, tired of not being able to trust his own body, tired of being dependent on others...tired of everything. He felt helpless and hopeless. All he knew was that he wanted this terrible grief and guilt to end...and he wanted to make sure no one else he cared about was hurt because of him. For himself, he didn’t care if he died...death would be a relief.
When Hercules didn’t respond, Iolaus knelt beside him, enquiring softly, “What did you think you were going to do, Herc...force the townspeople to kill you?”
Herc slowly shook his head, refusing to meet Iolaus’ eyes, “Go away, Iolaus...just leave me.”
A sad half smile on his lips, Iolaus responded, “Now, you know that’s never going to happen...not now, not ever. Like it or not, you’re stuck with me.” When Hercules did not respond further, Iolaus settled himself on the ground wondering how to reach his friend, how to cut through the blackness that consumed him. “Herc,” he began softly, “we’ll find out who killed Serena, but this isn’t the way....”
Hercules jerked his head toward Iolaus, his eyes burning with unshed tears, he grated, “I killed her.”
“No,” Iolaus returned firmly, no compromise in his voice, “no, Hercules, you did not kill Serena...whatever happened, you are not responsible.”
“I am responsible,” Hercules howled, unable to contain his despair, “If I hadn’t loved her, married her...she’d still be alive. It’s my fault, Iolaus....you can’t deny that.”
“Yes, I can deny it, and I do,” Iolaus replied, fighting the urge to shout back. “Hercules...Serena was a Golden Hind, the last of her kind. All the others were slaughtered by the gods because of the threat their blood held...it was only a matter of time before she too was destroyed. By loving her, you didn’t cause her death...you gave her a chance at life. She treasured your love...gloried in it. You made her happy, even if only for a short time.”
Hercules moaned as he slumped against the tree, slipping from his knees to sit with his back against the trunk. “Iolaus...” he whispered softly, “everyone I love is a target for the gods...I can’t keep on this way...I can’t risk losing anyone else...it hurts too much.”
Iolaus’ heart ached for Hercules. His friend had to suffer so much, endure so much, all because of the accident of his birth. It was true, he was a target, as were those who cared for him, but he couldn’t continue this way. “Hercules, everyone loses people they love....life is a constant risk, a constant everchanging set of possibilities. All any of us can do is grab the good stuff and endure the bad. Sure, it hurts when we lose those we love most...but the alternative is not to love at all and that’s not living...that’s just breathing within a wasteland of emptiness. Can you honestly say you regret loving Serena? Or that you regret the love she returned?”
Herc’s eyes blurred with tears as he remembered the strength and joy of the love they had shared. Compressing his lips, unable to speak for the lump that filled his throat, he blinked hard and shook his head. “I will always love her,” he finally managed to whisper.
“And she will always love you,” Iolaus murmured back. “She wouldn’t want you to give up, to be another victim of whichever malicious god extinguished her life...you know that, Hercules. She’d want you to find the truth.”
“I don’t know how....” whispered Hercules, the despair clouding his voice was mirrored in his eyes. “I don’t want anyone else hurt because of me....”
Iolaus grinned, “‘Anyone else’ meaning Xena, Gabrielle and me, I suppose.”
Herc nodded once as he looked away.
Iolaus shook his head, exasperated by this turn of the conversation. Hercules was too prone to feel guilt, too ready to sacrifice himself to spare others, too willing to assume full responsibility for the lives of others. “Well, live with it, Herc. You are worth loving and so lots of people love you....we won’t stop loving you just because you wish we would....although sometimes your stubborn unwillingness to grant us the right to choose our battles for ourselves is beyond annoying!” The hint of anger in Iolaus’ voice caused Herc to look back at his friend. “We’ve been over this before, Herc,” Iolaus continued with a tired sigh, “and I’m not going to fight with you now...it’s the last thing you need. But, understand once and for all, we are all grown ups, we choose who we love, what we believe in and when to make a stand, we choose what we stand for....and our choices are not your responsibility. So, we if make choices that present certain...challenges....risks....it’s our choice to make...not your’s.”
Hercules swallowed and looked away. He understood what Iolaus was saying...he always did. That didn’t change the fact that he did not want to cause his friends more hardship...did not want to be the cause they stood and maybe died for. But he was too tired to fight...and too weak to do this alone. Gods, he hated this weakness that consumed him...weakness of the spirit as much as of the body. Iolaus was right. He had been playing the victim. “How do you do it, Iolaus?” he asked quietly.
“Do what?” Iolaus asked, honestly mystified by the question.
“Keep going...I know how much it hurt you to lose Ania and your son...I’ve seen you badly hurt, even die...but you never quit. Where do you get your courage? Where do you get your strength?”
Iolaus chuckled as he shook his head, still holding eye contact with his friend. “Well, you see, Hercules, I have this friend...and he never quits on me. When I’m hurt, he’s always there for me. When I’m lost, he gives me something to believe in again. When I’m afraid, I know he’ll be there for me...and, together, we do things worth doing...help people who need it...stand up for what’s right... He believes in me even when I’ve lost confidence in myself. He gives me my courage, and my strength...there is nothing I would not gladly do for him...and, I know he needs me as much as I need him...we’re partners, him and me...and we always will be.”
Hercules swallowed hard, unable to speak he looked away to the horizon until he could find his voice. “I don’t know what to do, Iolaus....I was going to go to town, face them...I guess I hoped they would kill me...I guess I thought I deserved it....but, that would be a betrayal wouldn’t it? A betrayal of Serena’s belief in me. A betrayal of your friendship....I just don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”
“Well, no one else has to get hurt...Xena has a plan to draw out whichever god is responsible. Let’s go back to the cave and hear her idea.”
Hercules nodded, gathered himself to stand. Iolaus was quickly by his side, giving him support, lending him strength. Leaving Herc supported by the tree for a moment, Iolaus picked up Xena’s sword in one hand, placing his other around Herc’s waist. “Lean on me, Herc....”
“I always do...” whispered Hercules to himself as he placed an arm around Iolaus’ shoulder. Together, they began the short journey back to the cave.
“So, what’s this plan that Xena has?” Hercules asked as they slowly trudged along.
“I’m not clear on all the details, Herc....I think it involves something about me killing you and Xena killing me....”
“What?” exploded Hercules as he stopped dead in his tracks.
Iolaus giggled, “Not for real, Herc....obviously! We fake it, to draw out the gods....well, it’s a better idea than just storming into town begging to be mobbed!”
Hercules studied Iolaus for a moment, a bemused expression on his face. “You really think any of the gods would believe you would kill me?”
“Well, we’ll have to make it look like some kind of accident...those are the details Xena is working on now...come on...the sooner we get back, the sooner we’ll find out how all of this is supposed to work,” Iolaus cajoled as he tugged Hercules toward the cave.
Hercules relented and continued shambling along, supported by Iolaus. Just before they reached the cave entrance, Hercules gave the shoulder which supported him an extra squeeze. “Thanks, Iolaus....” he murmured. Iolaus gave him a warm grin but didn’t respond. “No, I mean it, Iolaus...thank you for always being there for me, when I need someone to lean on....when I need someone to remind me who I am, what I believe in....”
Iolaus nodded. He understood.... “It’s what friends are for, Herc....”
Hercules nodded. The pain was still there, the grief was still overwhelming....but, the blackness and despair which had consumed him had abated, the guilt tempered by the common sense offered by Iolaus. He would find out who had killed Serena, he would learn the truth. And, somehow, with the support of this friend beside him, he would go on with his life....but, he doubted he’d ever risk loving another as he had loved Deianeira and Serena...no matter what Iolaus said, deep in his heart, Hercules knew his love had killed them, had killed his children. It was enough that Iolaus shared the daily risks of his life...he would never again let anyone else get that close....never.
Finis
Some images, characters and other things used in these works are the property of others, including but not limited to Renaissance Pictures and Universal Studios. Everything else remains the property of the artist or author. No money will be made on anything appearing on this webpage and no copyright infringement is intended. This site was created by fans for the enjoyment of other fans.
For information on reprinting text and/or artwork (including privately owned photos, photo manipulations, and other images) from this website, please contact IolausianLibrarians , who will assist you in contacting the original creator of the piece. Do NOT reprint, republish, or in any way link to items on these pages without obtaining permission from either the original creator of the piece or the webpage owner. A written one-time use statement may be issued to you at the discretion of the artist or the author. Please respect the legal and artistic rights of our contributors.