Description: When everyone's favourite Hunter once again finds his life in peril, the gods find they just can't face another lingering death scene....so they all (well, maybe not all but a lot of them) intervene to say "Enough already...not today!!!"
Prologue:
It wasn't easy being a follower of Hera's, it really wasn't. Be too servile and she was contemptuous, likely to lash out and inflict pain for the pure satisfaction of it. Be too confident, and she would lash out anyway, against what she perceived as arrogance. So, it was with more than a little trepidation that Platius knelt at the base of her alter, head bowed, and trembling just a little, in her awesome presence, awaiting her command. A thin, timid man with greasy hair, clothed in little more than rags, he was a pitiful example of Hera’s loyal followers.
"This time, this time, I swear I will have my revenge upon that insolent, half mortal whelp of Zeus! Order me not to kill him, will he, well, fine....let's see how Zeus feels about seeing Hercules reduced to the strength of a mortal man. Hah! There are no orders about that, now, are there?"
When she paused, Platius wasn't sure if she expected a response or not. "No, Hera," he whispered...only to receive a stinging clout across the top of his head. 'NOT...ah well, who could tell?' he thought.
"Did I ask you for your opinion, you worthless worm?" stormed Hera. Really, it took so little to put her in a rage.
'Worm!' Platius thought as he quickly stiffened his back and knelt a little straighter...but not so much as to appear arrogant. Stifling a sigh and summoning up what limited courage he had, he wheedled in a plaintive tone, "No, my Great Goddess Hera, you didn't. I humbly beg your pardon. It's just that I'm anxious to know how I might be of service to you."
"Hmmm, yes, fine, I forgive your insolence," Hera purred, all dignity restored. It was SO GOOD to have these miserable mortals cower and grovel before her. "I want you take this vial of poison and mix it with water in a goblet. Then, I want you to give it to Hercules to drink. Is that clear?"
'Sounds simple enough,' thought Platius as he took the vial and murmured aloud, "Very clear, Your Greatness, it shall be done."
"Just see that he drinks it...." she commanded, the implied threat very, very clear as she vanished from sight.
Whew! All things considered, that had gone quite well...he was still alive and would remain so as long as he carried out Hera's wishes. Looking down at the small clear vial holding a pale green solution, Platius told himself that the poison wasn't fatal, so how badly could Hercules really be hurt by it? He could give it to the hero without too much twinge of conscience, couldn't he? ...not that he had much choice. Looking back at the alter, Platius shivered.
Chapter One:
The sun burned down and the sweat rolled like a solid wall of water off his body. His arms and back ached as he swung the scythe from side to side, cutting down the fields of grain. He puffed with exertion and his whole body convulsed as he sneezed, again, from the dust that was raised as he and Hercules stomped through the field, bringing in the harvest. Leaning for a moment on the scythe, Iolaus looked back at his bigger...and stronger...friend who seemed to be able to gather and carry a limitless amount of grain in the cart he hauled along behind him.
"Tired, Iolaus," Hercules enquired with really irritating cheerfulness. Didn't he EVER run out of steam?
Iolaus wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, and with a puff tried to blow his curly, sweat dampened hair out of his eyes. "No, Hercules, not at all," he responded with oh so sweet sarcasm, "Why would I be tired? We've only been slaving out here for DAYS!"
Straightening with yet another armload of grain and dumping it into the cart, Hercules chuckled amiably, refusing to rise to the bait. "Yup, and in another day or so, we should be finished bringing in YOUR sister's harvest."
Chastened, Iolaus could only mutter, "Yeah, right," as he stretched his back and squinted into the sun. Grumbling to himself, he muttered, "but does it have to be so damn hot!!!" Shrugging, he turned and went back to the mindless work. To distract himself, and hopefully to put himself in a better mood, he reminded himself of the reason they were here.
A week ago, Iolaus had received an urgent message from his sister, Esmia. It seemed that she and her lazy lout of a husband had had yet another blistering row and Luthor had stormed out on her and their six kids. Now, Esmia didn't know where to find him and the crops were ready for harvest. If the grain wasn't brought in, there would be no bread for the winter...and she and her children would starve (or at least so she so pitifully proclaimed in the note). Alas, she had no choice but to beg her big, strong, wonderful brother to come to the rescue. Hercules had hidden his grin when Iolaus read out the "big" comment from the missive in his hand. Iolaus might be the oldest of his siblings, but his three sisters towered like Amazons over his more diminutive frame. However, he really didn't like to have that fact pointed out to him.
What could Iolaus have done except come to help? He couldn't just ignore the summons...it was his sister after all, and the harvest did have to come in. If Luthor had been less surly in nature, maybe some of her neighbours might have been more inclined to help. But, as it was...well, as it was, no one was going to rush in to volunteer their services. Besides, they had their own harvests to bring in. The only help she had was that sneaky, servile little worm, Platius, who did odd jobs and chores to earn his keep. He'd never manage to bring in the harvest on his own. And, the children, the oldest only a little more than six years old, were too small to be of much help. The children. With a sigh, Iolaus had put down the missive, knowing that he couldn't say no. Even if he could have left his sister to lie in the bed she had made for herself, he couldn't leave the children at risk of a cold winter with no food.
"Herc," he'd said, "I have to go..."
"Of course, you do, Iolaus. She's your sister!" Clapping his friend on the back, causing Iolaus to stagger forward a half step (Herc really didn't know his own strength!), Hercules had continued, "I'll come with you...it won't take us anytime to bring in the harvest. No monsters, no bad guys...it'll be fun...peaceful."
Iolaus heaved a sigh, Hercules sure had an odd idea of what constituted fun. Iolaus had enjoyed taking on the hydra more than he enjoyed slaving in these fields. Still, he was grateful that Herc had come along.
"Atchoooo!!!!" he exclaimed as another sneeze convulsed his body. "Atchoooo!!" Gods, he hated this dust. "Atchoooo!!!" Hercules regarded his friend with sympathy. This always happened whenever they got involved with harvesting grain....must be an allergy or something. Time for a break.
Iolaus felt Hercules come up behind him and lay a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon, buddy, let's go sit in the shade for a bit. It won't hurt to stop for a few minutes." Gratefully, Iolaus nodded, dropped his scythe and ambled after his friend toward the trees at the edge of the field. "Atchoooo!!!!" Sigh.
As they approached the trees, Platius came around the corner of the house on the other side of tiny grove of aspen, a flask of water in his hand. "Hey, there," he called helpfully, "you guys want some water?" 'No,' thought Iolaus, 'we'd rather just stand here parched in the hot sun.'
"Yeah, that'd be great," Hercules responded, grateful as ever for the least little kindness. The servile little worm handed the flask to Hercules...no surprise. 'Of course, cosy up to the demigod', Iolaus thought, looking at the flask with ill concealed thirst.
Hercules raised the flask to his lips when, about to drink, he saw the look of longing on Iolaus' face, so he stopped and handed the flask to Iolaus. "Here, buddy, you look like you need this more than I do."
Iolaus grinned in gratitude. "You're sure, Herc?" and when his partner grinned back and nodded, Iolaus took the flask, tipped his head back and took a long swallow. Neither of the heroes noticed the truly sick look that came over Platius. Hera was going to kill him, he knew it. He was about to sneak off, when all three were startled by the totally unexpected appearance of Hades, who arrived in full voice, obviously very annoyed.
"NO!" Hades shouted. "Damn, too late," he said as Iolaus finished his swallow and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I DON'T have time for this today! The record keeping is weeks behind and those crazy Spartans aren't going to give up the pass in Thermopylae until they're all dead. I need to move people around, create space, get organized for the hundreds who will start arriving any minute now. THREE," he said in disgust, as he took the flask from Iolaus' suddenly nerveless fingers before it could crash to the ground and handed it to Hercules who took it without thinking, his mouth hanging open in confusion...what was Hades raving about? Three?
"I try not to get mixed up in these things, they are not my concern. TWO," he said absently, as he saw Iolaus's eyes begin to glaze. "But, I just don't have time for any nonsense today of all days. ONE," he said as he caught the sagging hunter by the arm, holding him up.
"What's wrong..." Hercules started to say when Hades cut him off, still in full tirade.
"I am not going to have my time wasted with this. Hercules, I will not be bothered with this...this friend of your's dying today. You'd just come down in a rage, interrupt all my other work and demand some kind of deal to get him back. Well, I won't have it. Not Today!"
Alarm springing into his eyes, as he put together Iolaus's sudden collapse with Hades words, "Dying? What do you mean, dying?"
Iolaus focusing his eyes in a hurry, looked up at Hades, "Yeah, what do you mean, dying?"
Hades sighed in exasperation. "Hera had that jerk, Platius, put poison in the water ... it wasn't meant to kill you, Hercules, just steal away your strength. But," looking now with exaggerated patience at Iolaus who was only still standing because Hades was holding him up, Hades continued, "what would only remove your strength, will kill this guy." Realizing he was still holding Iolaus up, Hades let him go abruptly. Iolaus fell like a stone. "Ouch!"
"Hades!" admonished Hercules as he bent to pull Iolaus oh so gently into his arms. Platius took the opportunity of this distraction to make his escape. Nobody even noticed he was gone.
"Don't 'Hades' me! Take Iolaus and what's left in that flask to Aesclepius to have it analysed. Since it wasn't intended to be fatal, I'm sure he'll have an antidote. But, you'll have to get Iolaus there before sunset, the rules..."
"Yeah, yeah, Hades, I know all about the rules," Herc interrupted in an aggrieved tone. Realizing he had perhaps been a bit too abrupt, after all, Hades had taken the time to come and tell them about the poison and where to go for help, Hercules changed his tone. "Um, thanks Hades...appreciate you..."
"Don't thank, me, Hercules," Hades cut him off, "just keep him alive...I don't want to see either of one of you again today!" And, with that, he was gone.
Looking down at Iolaus, Herc asked in concern, "How're you doing, buddy?"
"Okay, Herc except I don't seem to have the strength to stand. I feel weak as a kitten."
"Don't worry, Iolaus, we're leaving for Epidaurus right now!"
Fumbling at Herc's shirt with a weak hand, Iolaus countered bravely, "No, Herc. We can't go...my sister needs you. Who'll bring in the harvest....the children will starve...."
Hercules, touched though he was by Iolaus' courage and selflessness, was still about to tell him to shut up when Aphrodite burst upon the scene.
"Enough, Sweet Cheeks! Enough! There is no time for you to be worrying about someone else. Not Today! This harvest is Luther's responsibility, not your's. And, it just so happens that, as the Goddess of Love, I can mend the little spat between him and Esmia like THAT!" she said as she snapped her fingers. "TA DA!!!" she exclaimed in satisfaction and delight as Luther ambled resentfully around the corner of the house with a spare scythe in his hand. "Now there! Nothing to worry your gallant little heart about! Herc, pick him up and GO!" she exclaimed as she disappeared in a puff of pink coloured smoke. It occurred to Iolaus to wonder why she couldn't have done THAT before he'd had to slave in the field for three days...
"Right!" grunted Hercules as he oh so gently picked up Iolaus and threw him over his shoulder in a fireman's lift...it was easier to run carrying him like this than holding him in his arms. "Umphh!" said Iolaus as he landed on a well muscled, hard shoulder.
"Hold on, buddy. You're going to be okay," Herc murmured as he started to run.
They hadn't gone far, when Hermes flew in across the adjacent field and braked to a stop in the air in front of them.
"Hermes! What are you doing here?"
"I heard my former student was dying...again. And, since I have a little spare time on my hands, I thought, Not Today, he's not! Give me that vial, Hercules and I'll take it to Aesclepius...give him a head start on analysing the poison."
Tears misted Herc's eyes at this unexpected kindness, but as he handed the vial over and started to mumble his heartfelt thanks, Hermes cut him off, "For pity's sake, Hercules, don't go all mushy on me....You really are too attached to this little guy, you know. Likable as he may be, he's just a mortal!" and with that, Hermes sped away across the sky.
Herc shook his head and sighed. They just didn't understand. None of them understood how brave, how gallant was this man who he carried like a sack on his shoulder. "Uh, Herc," said the 'sack', "don't want to rush you, but we only have until sunset...shouldn't we be moving on?"
"Sure thing, buddy. Don't worry, I'll get you there on time."
Chapter Two:
He ran and he ran...and he ran. The sun had climbed high in the sky, reached it's zenith and had begun it's descent, and still he ran...until he was brought up to a dead halt on the edge of deep chasm over the rushing torrent of the river far below. The bridge had collapsed. He felt dread squeeze his heart. There wasn't time to go around and it was too far to jump. He couldn't fail...he couldn't bear the thought of losing Iolaus. Frantic, he was considering his options when Hephaestus flashed into view.
"Hephaestus, thank the gods, er, thank you for knowing I needed help!"
"Don't worry, Hercules. You're not going to lose Iolaus, Not Today! I just happened to have a spare bridge laying around the workshop." With that, he waved his arm over the chasm and a bridge of solid gold appeared. "Hurry Hercules" Hephaestus urged to forestall a long speech of effusive thanks. He liked these two crazy guys, but they did go on and on sometimes. Smiling fondly, he vanished as suddenly as he had appeared.
On and on Hercules ran. About midafternoon, he stopped by a stream and threw cool, refreshing water over his face. Ah, that felt better. Not that he minded, not in the least, but carrying Iolaus for so many miles in the blazing sun wasn't as easy as it looked. Cupping his hand, he brought some water to his friend who was lying sprawled on the grass beside the stream. Ever so gently, he raised his friend's head to help him drink. "Here buddy, this'll make you feel better."
Weakly, Iolaus opened his eyes and gulped gratefully. Sighing, his voice thready, he murmured weakly, "We aren't going to make it are we Hercules? It's...it's just too far."
"Shhhh, I won't let you die, Iolaus. It's not your time. Back to back, remember?" Herc countered, forcing a smile to his lips, blinking back the tears that scalded his eyes. Iolaus was about to grin bravely right back at him when they were both startled by Apollo swooping by on his specially designed board, barely missing Herc's head!
"Look out!" cried Iolaus as Herc ducked with his extremely finely honed reflexes.
"Apollo," Herc groaned under his breath, "like I really need this today." Hercules had just assumed Apollo was there to make trouble...wasn't that always why he showed up?
"Relax, Hercules," preened Apollo (he was endlessly proud of his devastatingly good looks!), "I'm here to help."
"Since when have you ever been any help?" growled Hercules, tightening his protective grip around his fallen comrade's shoulders...until a small, unobtrusive "ouch" got his attention and he stopped squeezing Iolaus in an unconsciously crushing grip. "Ah, sorry, my friend, sometimes I forget my own strength."
"It's okay, Herc," whispered Iolaus, "I know you would never intentionally hurt me...."
"Ycchhh!" interjected Apollo, "I can't stand it, Not Today! Do you guys even remember how many times I have had to watch from my chariot as I race across the sky while the two of you go on and on through these interminable death scenes. If it's not one, it's the other!"
"Say what you came here to say, Apollo, and then leave us alone," ordered Hercules coldly. It was just too much. Here he was, trying to comfort his dying friend, the brother of his heart, the best man he had ever known....well, anyway, trying to ease his last hours by lying to him, because Herc sure as Hades knew that no matter how fast he ran, Epidaurus was just too far away. He'd never make it by sunset. At the thought of the hopelessness of it all, a lump started to form in his throat.
"You're going to feel real bad about being so nasty to me Hercules when I tell you why I'm here."
"Yeah, yeah," Herc muttered. Couldn't he just get on with it and go away?
"I can't stop my chariot from racing across the sky, but I can slow it down, enough anyway to give you the extra hours, you need to get to Aesclepius' temple in the hills of Epidaurus," he said.
Stunned, Herc gaped at him, "You'd do that for us...why?"
"See, I told you you would be sorry!" Apollo asserted in his irritatingly superior way. "Just promise me you'll keep these maudlin little scenes to a minimum in the future...it's really gotten very boring." And, with that, Apollo zipped away.
With renewed hope, Herc whispered jubilantly, "You hear that Iolaus, you're gonna make it buddy!" But his heart clenched when he looked down at the ashen face, and heard his friend's laboured breathing....the muscles around the lungs were beginning to weaken, too. Soon, he'd scarcely be able to breath at all. Too weak to talk, Iolaus just grinned gamely up at the best friend any man could ever have. He didn't want Herc to worry about him...well, at least not too much. A humble man, Iolaus never could figure out why this demigod, the strongest man in the world, thought he was so special. Dragging his eyes from Herc's concerned gaze, Iolaus looked off to the horizon. It was the only way he could think of to signal that they really should be on their way. Apollo might say he would help, but Iolaus had never really trusted him.
"Yeah, right," Herc murmured in understanding as he pulled Iolaus up and back over his shoulder. He'd known what his friend had tried to convey. They'd been together so long, knew each other so well, they really hardly even needed words anymore, so great was their mutual understanding.
A couple of hours later, deep in a forest, Herc was running full out, driven by desperation. He could hear Iolaus' breathing becoming more and more laboured, the breaths increasingly shallow, as his stalwart friend's lungs gradually slowed functioning, the chest muscles just not strong enough anymore. No matter how determined Iolaus was to keep breathing, his strength of will did not have the capacity to overcome the effect of the insidious weakness that had overcome his gallant little body.
Distracted by these thoughts, Herc just did not see the rope strung out across the path between the trees, all but invisible in the grass reaching to his knees. Carried by the force of his momentum, both warriors crashed onto the ground. "Oommphhhh!" gasped Herc as the breath was knocked out of him, 'now, that hurt!' he thought and then remembered his friend. That fall wouldn't have done Iolaus any good at all!
"Iolaus!" he cried in alarm, and pulled the unresisting body of his friend into his arms. He didn't have time to say more before he realized they were surrounded by a band of unemployed mercenaries who had nothing better to do than ambush unsuspecting strangers to steal all they could before leaving them for dead.
Instinctively, Hercules cradled Iolaus protectively in his arms as he assessed the situation. Glancing down at his best friend, he was staggered to note that Iolaus was hardly breathing, his eyes unfocused, his skin gray as death. All concern about the outlaws around him was driven away by his overwhelming fear of losing his friend, this man who was the best part of his life.
"Iolaus!" he cried again, realizing that Iolaus was dying. "Don't give up on me! Don't you give up on me!"
"Oh, Puleese, would you give it a rest already," groaned Ares as he flashed into view. These were, after all, his warriors who had ambushed and surrounded the two heroes. "Do you have ANY idea how revolting these sicky sweet, endlessly recurring scenes of desperate grief are??? Makes me want to lose my lunch," growled Ares. "I really can't stomach it, little brother, Not Today!" With an impatient snap of his fingers, his warriors disappeared.
"I don't really care how you feel, Ares," Hercules grated through gritted teeth. "He's my friend, he's dying and I will not let him go without at least letting him know how much he means to me, how empty my life will be without him, how I have always looked up to him, and how much I will mourn his loss every day for the rest of my life!"
Ares' face screwed up in a grimace of immense disgust and not a little distaste at this courageous comeback. He shuddered at the sheer revolting goodness of it all.
"Hercules," he spat out, "I know Apollo granted you more time to get this insignificant little buddy of your's to Aesclepius. Given the rules we all have to live with, what more do you want?"
"Not that you'd care, Ares, but it's still not going to be enough time. Can't you see! The sun is beginning to set. I'm not going to make it, Ares!" Herc shouted in desperation, his voice breaking, "Iolaus is going to die!" Looking back down at the precious burden in his arms, Herc's eyes filled with tears and he could not stop them from spilling over and running down his face. "And, it's all my fault," he whispered, "the poison was meant for me...."
"Oh, I really can't stand anymore of this plaintive wailing about friendship, undying loyalty and your oh so predictable guilt feelings," muttered Ares. "I mean it, I really can't stand to hear anymore of this. Not Today."
With another snap of his fingers, he summoned his monstrous dog, Greigus, to his side.
"So, what are you going to do now, Ares? Are you going to have that mangy hound of your's tear us apart?" But there was no force to Herc's words. If Iolaus was going to die, he really didn't care what happened to himself, he really didn't care about anything at all.
Ares sneered in disgust. "No, Hercules. It's just no fun if you don't fight back. No, I've summoned Greigus so that you can put Iolaus on his back. You'll make better time if you don't have to carry him and Greigus can run like the wind."
Thunderstruck, Hercules could hardly believe what he was hearing. The despicable, loathsome Ares was actually giving him assistance? No, this was just too weird.
"What are you waiting for? Get that sack of bones onto Greigus' back and get out of my sight!" Realizing that Ares was serious, Hercules lifted Iolaus, ever so gently, into his arms and heaved him up to lay sprawled over Greigus, only just a bit wary of the low growl rumbling in the throat of the ugly, monstrous hound from hell.
Turning, he looked at this much hated half brother for whom he had never had any respect and wondered how even he, the polite Hercules, could summon up the words to suitably thank Ares for this unexpected and unlooked for assistance.
Scuffing his boot in the dust, Herc bravely began, "Um, Ares, I really have to thank you. You don't know what this means to...,"
"ENOUGH!!!!" Ares shouted with all of his very considerable might. "DON'T YOU GET IT YET??? I'M ONLY DOING THIS SO YOU WILL STOP YOUR INCESSANT MEWLING OVER THIS TRULY USELESS MORTAL!" Getting a grip on himself, Ares continued somewhat more moderately, but in no less a threatening tone (he really had had enough of this maudlin crap for one day), "I have a war going on at Thermopylae. If you keep distracting me, those far too gallant and brave Spartans might actually win. I swear, if you utter one more word, cry one more tear, I'll...I'll...errggg!" in a fit of such frustration that he really didn't know what he would do, Ares vanished.
"Wow!" mused Hercules, "now that's something I never expected to see...Ares leaving before he'd finished having the last word. Wonders will never cease." Then, with a worried frown at the setting sun, he urged, "Come on, Griegus, we haven't got much time left."
And so they ran, the noble hero and the hound from hell, his precious burden bouncing on his back. The sun was still hanging on the edge of the hills, only part of it gone from sight, when they arrived at the steps of Aesclepius' temple in the cool, refreshing forests of Epidaurus. Hercules swept Iolaus off the hound's back and without a backward glance of thanks (his courtesy was slipping in his urgency), he dashed up the temple steps, cradling his brother of the heart oh so gently in his arms.
Aesclepius was waiting as he burst into the dim interior of the temple. If only Aesclepius wasn't in one of his human periods, Zeus having only recently stripped him of his godhood again for overstepping his bounds and bringing a mortal back to life....admittedly, Aesclepius was puzzled by the punishment because everyone else seemed to bring this particular mortal back to life without any punishment at all. Favouritism, that's all it was. Just because this little guy was Zeus' favourite son's best friend anyone at all could flaunt the rules and bring him back to life whenever they wanted. Although, Aesclepius and the rest of the gods were a little confused about who this guy Michael was, and wondered just where this place of the 'Light' was...he sure wasn't from Olympus...anyway, if only he was still a God, Hercules would not have had to almost burst his heart in his mad, selfless, desperate, urgent, seemingly endless run to get to his temple. Good thing Hermes had brought that flask with the poisoned water so that he could conduct the analysis to find the antidote and he had just the thing, just the thing...."
"AESCLEPIUS" Hercules shouted, quite rudely interrupting his reverie, albeit with some desperation.
"Ah yes, Hercules, lay your friend over there on the alter."
Hercules stumbled to the alter and oh so gently laid Iolaus down upon it. "Help him, Aesclepius," he pleaded.
"Of course, Hercules, that's why you're here." Aesclepius ambled over to a table cluttered with offerings and potions, squinting his eyes in the half light of the sun that was almost set. "Now, where did I put..."
"Hurry, Aesclepius, please hurry." Herc was almost beside himself with desperation...the sun was fast disappearing behind the hill.
"Here it is!" mumbled Aesclepius, beaming with satisfaction. Picking up a vial of truly revolting looking stuff, he handed it to Hercules and said, "Here, just make him drink this."
"Ugggh!" exclaimed Herc in surprise. The smell of the stuff was enough to knock out a horse. But, undaunted, the legendary hero raised his friend's head oh so gently and forced the foul mixture down Iolaus' throat. Laying Iolaus back down, he waited with bated breath to see if it would work. Moments stretched into minutes before Iolaus finally wretched and heaved the disgusting stuff back out of his stomach. Hercules supported his friend's shoulders until he was done and smiled with relief when Iolaus muttered, "By the gods, Hercules, what was in that stuff? Yuck, it tasted worse than..."
"It doesn't matter, Iolaus!" cried Hercules in jubilation. "You're not going to die, Iolaus, you're not going to die!" and he swept his best friend, this cherished brother of his heart, into a crushing hug, holding him tightly close to his heart. "You're not going to die!" he whispered with overwhelming gratitude.
Aesclepius fondly patted Hercules shoulder. "No, Iolaus is not going to die, Hercules. Not Today."
Finis
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