"How could you?"
"What happened to 'Hiya Herc, good to see you again, how're you'?"
"What - the simple niceties in life? The happy to see my best friend again stuff? You don't deserve it."
"Iolaus? What...?"
"Don't give me that innocent look. You know where I've been, you know who I've been talking to."
"You met up with the other Iolaus. You insisted on meeting him so you could compare him to yourself, and so you just up and left."
"Oh no you don't Hercules. You're not turning this argument round to your advantage."
"Is this an argument?"
"Yes it is. How could you?"
"Gods. How could I what?"
"Tell that sweet guy all that ... that ... that rubbish about me!"
"What do you mean? I don't know what you mean."
"Yes you do. You know perfectly well. You were supposed to be all cut up about me being dead and everything. Devastated Iolaus said, and he was feeling uncomfortable - what with looking just like me and everything."
"He was. The poor guy kept thinking he had to live up to this impossible image of you."
"So you told him all about me didn't you Herc? You told him what a crack up I was. How great I was at laughing at my own jokes when they weren't funny, how brilliant I was at the prat fall, or was I joking? Maybe it was just my being useless at everything you were totally brilliant at! Dammnit Hercules!"
"I don't ... Iolaus? I ... really, I don't understand."
"Don't start playing the helpless with me Herc. You're a demigod remember. 'You' are always right, or had you forgotten that too?"
"Iolaus, please. Calm down, we can talk can't we?"
"Isn't that what we're doing now?"
"No. You're yelling and jumping up and down and I'm beginning to feel as if I've been hit by a whirlwind."
"Don't you try to make me laugh. Don't try to break the tension, or whatever else you do when things are getting too unpleasant for you. I'm mad, I'm steamed and I will have my say!"
"Okay Iolaus, okay, there's no need to shout. Come on, sit down. What did I say to the other Iolaus that's so awful?"
"You made me look like a fool Herc. You made me sound like somebody's comic relief, you made it look as if you were just putting up with me."
"Oh Iolaus, I never meant ... but ..."
"Oh-oh, here it comes. The self-justification, the holier than thou, I'm a demigod and I know better. Learn something here 'oh great son of Zeus' you don't know better all the time. Remember Sumeria."
"Herc? Oh Gods, Herc I'm sorry. I didn't mean ... well maybe a little. You never do listen to me when I share my doubts, maybe you should sometimes. But I should never have said that, I'm sorry."
"I am too Iolaus. You'll never know just how sorry I am about Sumeria. Did I really make you out to be a clown?"
"Yes, dumb-brain, you did. Iolaus was half expecting me to have the white face-paint on. I know you needed to tip the pedestal he'd put me on, but ... you told it so ... it wasn't me!"
"It was though Iolaus."
"Really? So, that's how you were going to remember me was it. More of a jester than the Jester? A man remembered for hating to bathe and being outstanding at looking the idiot. Is that really how you see me Herc?"
"No ... yes ... that's part of it. It's part of who you are Iolaus. Oh, come on; don't look at me like that. You know you are."
"I'm beginning to think that's all you want me around for. The big hero has to have a sidekick."
"Sidekick?"
"Yeah. Oooh Herc, don't tell me there's something you don't know. No? Huh, well who'd have believed it? Sidekick, someone to provide comic relief, someone to rescue and make the hero look even more heroic, someone to ask stupid questions and make the hero look even cleverer. Sidekick! Hmm, I guess it's gone from monsters 'r' us to sidekick is me."
"There's no need to sound so bitter Iolaus."
"Yes there is."
"Come on, where's your sense of humour?"
"You killed it Hercules. You murdered it. I thought we were a team, equals. Back to back heroes and all that. I thought you liked me to lighten the moment. I didn't realise you thought..."
"Iolaus? I never ... I mean ... we are still friends aren't we?"
"Now you're playing the little boy lost. Did you ever tell Iolaus about that one Herc? Did you ever tell him how I've had to protect your precious ego, look out for your back because you're so damn trusting of everyone? Did you ever tell him that we were partners, equal partners? Did you?"
"Yes. I also told him that you were my hero."
"What? You ... Don't you do this to me!"
"Do what? All I can do is tell the truth Iolaus. I'm sorry if you don't like the way I see you sometimes. None of us are perfect and you're the only one that knows that about me, you're the only one I can trust to say so!"
"How do you see me Herc? I mean really. Not how you try to make a confused and scared man that happens to look like me feel better, but how you remembered me when I was gone - when you thought I'd never come back?"
"You really need this don't you Iolaus? Why? You've never exactly been short of self-confidence before."
"Maybe I have and maybe I haven't. Maybe I feel a bit like the other Iolaus right now, I haven't been around. You hid him from me, you didn't want us to meet, maybe I was worried at just how close you two had become."
"I..."
"Oh come on Herc! He travelled around with you, he spent a lot of time with you, and you went through a lot together. When you needed someone, he was there and I wasn't. And then you didn't want to talk about him, didn't want me meeting him, why?"
"I don't know. I just thought that you'd both find it too painful."
"Gods Herc! You're trying to live my life for me again - I'm not getting into that. Not now, not here. You are not perfect my friend, and you still haven't answered my question!"
"Friend?"
"Idiot! Yes!!"
"You are my hero Iolaus, you're my closest family. I remembered the times you'd made me laugh, I remembered the times you'd driven me crazy - and I wondered just how many of those tiimes you were doing it on purpose to make a point or ease the tension. I thought about how happy you were with Nebula, how much you'd given up to be with me. I remembered how often you'd saved me from myself. I missed your incessant chatter, I missed the babbling, and I missed knowing that my back was safe and that I didn't need to explain my plan because you were already putting it in action. I missed my best friend."
"Herc ... I ... damn. I'll see you later. I still don't forgive you!"
"What for?"
"Making me look stupid, I'm the only one allowed to do that!"
"Iolaus? Where are you going? Are you all right? Iolaus? Damn, why does he always have to run away from me when I tell him how I really feel. Iolaus, you really are my hero."
The End
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