Iolaus slowly let his hand fall, and raised his head. The light above him was so bright, so white. He wanted it, he wanted to be enveloped in it, but a part of him wanted to look down for one last time at his friend. The friend he thought he would never leave. His brother, Hercules. He couldn't though. He couldn't move. As the two men rose to be one with the Light, they both looked ahead. There was no room here for looking back. Iolaus knew that, but it was hard. It was going to be very hard.
Slowly the room vanished in a blanket of white light. Iolaus was vaguely aware that Zarathustra was still beside him, but he was more aware of the feeling of peace and well being that was filling him. He turned and smiled at Zarathustra, who smiled back. "We're here Iolaus. Welcome to the Light."
Iolaus looked around him, the smile remaining on his face, he felt so... so... It was hard to find the right word, he felt so well, calm, peaceful, like everything was going to be all right. A thought struck him, "Zarathustra, what is the Light?" And as ever with Iolaus, when he thought of one question a dozen others followed behind. "And why did you lead me into it? Where's Hades? What happens now?" He paused for breath, but was given no time to continue.
Zarathustra was laughing, "There is a lot for you to get used to Iolaus. I am new here myself, but they chose me as your companion because you, and especially Hercules, already knew me."
"Hercules?" Iolaus felt a fleeting stab of pain at the sound of the name, and a moment of guilt touched him.
"Yes, your death is difficult for him, Michael thought my presence may ease his mind. He knows that he can trust me after our experiences together." Zarathustra put his head on one side as if listening for a moment. "Come, Iolaus. It is time to be accepted." He reached out to take Iolaus' hand.
"Accepted? What..." Iolaus looked down at the proffered hand and then up into Zarathustra's eyes. They shone with compassion. Iolaus sighed; the magnitude of what was happening hit him. None of the people he knew were likely to be here. He was alone, truly alone and he was frightened. Hercules was not there to back him up, this time he was on his own, about to be accepted into the Light, whatever that really meant. His hand met Zarathustra's and the brilliance of the white intensified. Iolaus screwed up his eyes against the glare. Then, all at once, it was gone. He opened his eyes to find himself standing in a large room. Its walls appeared to be of marble and huge columns stood at intervals. It could easily have been a temple to one of the Greek Gods, but on a scale Iolaus had never seen. He craned his neck backwards, just able to make out the arched roof in the hazy light, way, way above him.
"Welcome Iolaus."
The voice made him jump in surprise. Turning sharply toward the sound, he saw an imposing looking man sitting in what looked like a throne. His hair was so fair it was almost white, and he wore flowing white robes. But he also wore a golden breastplate, and had the look of a warrior. "Where's Zarathustra? Where am I? Who are you?"
"I know that there are many questions for which you need answers. But be patient Iolaus, you will learn that there is plenty of time now. My name is Michael. Zarathustra is no longer needed here. He has a different place in the Light from you Iolaus. You are to become a Guardian. That is an important role here. And you are most honoured to be chosen."
Iolaus looked up at Michael in a daze. "Guardian? But... but, what about Herc? Will he. I mean, when he uh, you know.... Where will he go?"
Michael smiled gently. "Your friendship was great Iolaus, but earthly things need not concern you now." Seeing Iolaus' crestfallen face he continued, "Hercules will join us in the Light when his time comes. His place has been ordained. So it shall be."
Iolaus felt weak, his head was spinning. This was all too much. Coming to terms with being dead was bad enough, but with Dahok, and the painful parting with Hercules, he was emotionally drained. Nothing made any sense, where was Hades, where was Charon? Why wasn't he in the Elysian Fields?
Michael seemed to understand this; he guided Iolaus to another room. No one else was there, and Iolaus could rest, and try to begin to come to terms with his own death.
In the Light there was no sense of time passing, no day and no night. Just the light, always the light. Iolaus wondered why no one ever got sick of it, wanted the night again. But he didn't wonder for long. The feelings of peace and perfect happiness crept back and he found he could not be sad for his lost life for long. He rested for a time he had no idea how long, and then he was given instruction in the ways of the Light for a time, he had no idea how long. After that he was a Guardian. He felt no different he looked no different; the only thing that reminded him that he was dead was his medallion laying broken around his neck, and the fact he was never hungry never needed to eat or drink.
Iolaus wasn't comfortable with being contented all the time. He began to think of Hercules, he began to wonder where he was and how he was. Iolaus knew how difficult it would have been for him if Herc had died, so he knew that Hercules must be hurting. It niggled at Iolaus, it pushed away the happy feelings. The one time his friend needed him the most and he couldn't be there. He felt like he was letting Hercules down all over again.
It was while he was feeling this guilt that Iolaus realised that he could see things. He would walk through the cavernous corridors and rooms of the Light whilst he thought of his friend, worried about him. One day, night, moment in time, he was concentrating particularly hard on Hercules, trying to send him a thought. He knew it was a stupid idea, hadn't everyone here told him so? But, it didn't feel stupid. He was trying to picture Hercules, and then, suddenly and to his amazement, he could see the demigod, through a kind of window that had appeared in the room's far wall. His friend was walking in front of a wagon, throwing rocks out of its path; steam was escaping from fissures in the ground. Then the scene faded, as quickly as it had appeared, and the window was just a wall again. Iolaus groaned in frustration He turned quickly at a movement behind him.
"It can be annoying when that happens, but when you get the hang of it you can keep the picture for a lot longer. Hello, my name is Joshua, and you are?"
Iolaus introduced himself and the two men walked slowly through the corridors of light. Joshua had entered the Light about a hundred years before Iolaus. He wore simple robes and told Iolaus that he had been a poet, traveling the lands telling the old tales. Why he had been chosen to come to the Light he didn't know. All he had ever done in his life was wander from town to village telling the stories of great deeds that had been told to him. He had never harmed a soul, but he had never saved a life, and had no heroic deeds to claim.
Joshua had also learnt to spy on mankind by accident, and had been doing so ever since. He felt a strong need to see how the tale continued. "I am not a part of it anymore, but somehow I want to know what happens next. You understand?"
Iolaus nodded. He was no longer part of that world but he longed to see all those he had cared for. He longed to know what was to become of them.
Iolaus' role as a Guardian wasn't very demanding; he didn't really know why he had been made a Guardian. He certainly wasn't like the other Guardians he had met. The instruction he received had served to confuse him more than enlighten him, and many of his questions were still unanswered. What really bothered him were the four horsemen. They were the first Guardians, before even Michael. But they were such dreadful things, why would they have ever been a part of the Light. It was supposed to be about creation, and they were all about destruction. Maybe they hadn't been at first; maybe something had changed them. Michael wasn't going to explain it though, he only came out with cryptic little quotes, or Latin, which meant nothing to Iolaus.
Michael had told him that Hades hadn't lost his job, the Elysian Fields and Tartarus were still there, still fulfilling their part of destiny. Iolaus had asked where the Light fit in. Michael replied that it was everywhere. It encompassed all the worlds' gods. It just was. It was the impulse to create, the force for good. Iolaus couldn't understand why this time he had been called to the Light when before he had always gone to Hades realm. Michael looked at him thoughtfully. "You have known much of death, Iolaus. More than mortal man should. And yet, even then you always tried. You always fought for the Light. Even before you could put a name to it. The Light notices these things. It remembers. And so you were deemed a worthy Guardian. For as you did on Earth, you could not stop doing here. Your nature does not allow it. Iolaus, you are a very special man, you will continue to fight for the Light. It has seen none other like you. You deserve your place here."
Iolaus left Michael, after those words, reeling. The light thought he was special. Him! Iolaus, hunter and companion to Hercules, he wasn't that special, no matter what he had always told Hercules in his chatter. All those tales of his while they sat round the campfire, making himself out to be some kind of Warrior God himself. That had just been fun it wasn't true. "I just did what I had to." had been his embarrassed response to Michael's praise, Michael had given one of his enigmatic smiles and nodded.
Iolaus didn't get Michael, he didn't mix with the other Guardians, wasn't around a lot of the time. And when he was there he would say stuff that made no sense to Iolaus, once or twice he'd started talking in Latin again. Iolaus had turned away then and wandered off to see what Herc was up to.
It was difficult for Iolaus; he didn't feel like he belonged, he felt like he was an interloper who would be found out any time. Back with Herc he had known what was going on. Here, here he didn't understand anything.
Iolaus began to notice a change; there was something new in the air, a tension. He couldn't have said how long he'd been in the Light, it felt like a long time, but that didn't mean anything. There was definitely something going on, he didn't know what, but the atmosphere of the whole place had changed. He asked Joshua if he knew anything. "You're the guardian, Iolaus. Shouldn't you know?"
Iolaus sighed, "Yes, but I get the feeling they are keeping things from me. Herc used to try sometimes, to protect me. It feels the same here now. Michael was very evasive last time I saw him, and he looked very worried." Iolaus frowned, he was worried too, but for very different reasons, he was sure that something was going on, something that was going to affect humankind. He was sure that it would affect Hercules, and he didn't know what to do.
Joshua looked long and hard at his companion, "You are sure, aren't you? Something bad is going to happen back there." He pointed over his shoulder, this was their way of indicating 'home' and the life they had before the Light. Iolaus nodded unhappily. Joshua sighed, "Well, you have to do something then. Don't you?"
Iolaus looked at his new friend, he was right, but how? Where could he start? But how could he not do something? Herc was going to need him, how could he not be there for him. The idea was too much to bear, and all thoughts of perfect joy and the Light fled his mind. He had to help Herc; he had to. "But what can I do?" He spoke to himself as much as his companion, but he got an answer even so, " If you could find out what is going on, why not warn your friend." Iolaus looked at him, waiting for him to go on. "I have thought for a long time that if I really wanted to I could make the window to the world two way."
"What do you mean?" Iolaus' eyes sparked, and he began to form a plan.
"The more you concentrate the longer you can keep the window open, right?" Iolaus nodded impatiently.
"Well, what if you concentrate even harder, concentrate on communicating with your friend instead of just watching him. I have often thought of this, but when I tried it didn't work."
He waved away Iolaus' doubts, " I didn't have the 'connection' that you do. I didn't have anyone special to contact. If I had a friend like yours, I'm convinced it would have worked for me." Joshua looked into Iolaus' eyes willing him to believe.
Iolaus looked back with a steady gaze, his mind was reeling though. Talk to Herc! Actually talk to him, after all this time. That would be so wonderful. And he could do it, he was sure. He remembered the time Hercules had been caught up in the vortex, he had sent his thoughts out to Iolaus, and Iolaus had heard. Joshua was right, he could warn Herc, and even if he couldn't fight at his side, he could still help him. That would be enough. It would have to be. Now he just had to find out what in Hades was going on.
Iolaus stood behind the huge pillar silently. This felt wrong, spying on Michael and the other Guardians, but if they wouldn't invite him... He smiled. Self-justification! Herc would have something to say about that. But, he had no choice, if they refused to include him in their talks, how else could he help Hercules. Iolaus realised that was what all this was really about for him. Helping Hercules, he'd spent most of his life being there for Herc. Who else understood him like Iolaus? No one, no one could. And now Hercules didn't even have Iolaus. That worried Iolaus, he knew from the windows that Herc seemed to be doing OK, but at the first sign of heartache, where would he be able to turn. Alcmene was gone, Deienara was gone, and so was Iolaus. The world needed Hercules, but Hercules needed someone too. It didn't look like it was going to be Morrigan. Iolaus sighed in relief at that, he didn't know why, maybe he was just jealous, but he didn't like Morrigan. And now there was this other Iolaus. He smiled at the memory.
He had opened a window, wanting to see how Hercules was, only to see his own face; it had shocked him so much that Iolaus had stepped back involuntarily, breaking the connection. He had returned, his curiosity overcoming any other emotions. And finally he'd been able to see what he couldn't before; this Iolaus was the one from the world where the Sovereign ruled. Iolaus felt torn, he was both thrilled that Hercules had found a new companion and inconsolable that he had been so easily replaced. Finally Joshua had talked to him, "Iolaus, Hercules is a kind hearted man, this Iolaus needs his friendship. He has the promise of being a special man; Hercules can help him fulfill that promise. Hercules has a hole in his heart, a huge hole. He has lost everyone he loved. He grieves for you the most. Let him do this. He needs it."
Iolaus knew the truth of what Joshua said, but it was so hard for him to watch as Hercules told the other Iolaus about his namesake. He caught himself laughing with them on several occasions. And then the other Iolaus had made his little speech at the monument. Iolaus had found tears in his eyes for this man. He hoped that Herc could work his magic on him, he was sure that he could.
And over time, the demigod had. This other man that had Iolaus' face and voice had come into his own, he had become someone the hunter would be proud to call friend. Iolaus still felt pangs of jealousy though. It still hurt to see Hercules be-friend someone else. Iolaus was happy for him, very happy. He was glad that Hercules had found something, but he hurt too. It felt so wrong that it wasn't him, so unfair. That was the first time Iolaus had to atone.
Michael had discovered what Iolaus was doing, and he was not amused. He looked very forbidding sitting in his majestic throne, scowling down at Iolaus. His words were not forgiving as he spoke of the responsibilities of being a Guardian, and his disappointment in Iolaus for not being able to turn away from his life. "You must leave your mortal life behind you Iolaus. Hercules and what happens in his life, that does not belong to you now. You know the rules that you should live by as a Guardian. You must not interfere in mortal affairs, you may only view them if it is part of your duties, and you must not warn a mortal of what may be to come. It is forbidden!"
Iolaus felt like a schoolboy again. He felt like he had the first time he'd been caught red handed as a child. He had to restrain himself from shuffling his feet as he stood in front of the throne. Michael spoke of atonement, what was that all about? He also mentioned the four horsemen and their punishment, Iolaus wasn't sure why but he thought that reference was important.
The atonement was like nothing he had experienced before. Iolaus was alone in the Light. It was brilliant white, painful to his eyes. There was nothing else, just the light, just the white. Him and the light. He felt naked, he felt totally defenseless, and he hated it. He couldn't protect himself from the Light. He didn't know how to hide. It saw into him, it knew everything, took out his deepest darkest feelings and held them up for inspection in its insistent white glow. It knew about Dahak, it knew what he couldn't admit to himself. It berated him for his jealousy of Hercules; it made him feel tiny and useless. He was put under a microscope and his every dark thought was examined. It ended, finally. And, although the Light was always present, its scrutiny was gone. He curled up tight into a ball and he cried. For himself, and for Hercules, but mostly for all the dark places in his soul. The places he had always been able to deny before. Now they had been exposed and they felt sore and tender. He missed Hercules so badly, Joshua came to him, but he didn't know what to say or do. Iolaus needed Hercules so much now. But he could not be there, just like Iolaus couldn't be there for him.
Iolaus was determined that this time he would be there. His buddy was going to need him. Whatever was going on, Iolaus knew that it would involve Hercules. Perhaps it was being in the Light; perhaps it was the strength of his friendship with the demigod Iolaus was not going to start questioning his instincts now, whatever their origin. He would not let Hercules down. Not this time, this was payback time for Dahak, whether he owed the payment or not he was going to make it. Hercules had forgiven the hunter, but Iolaus was not sure that he had forgiven himself. In the atonement he had felt guilt, a huge guilt, well hidden away in other circumstances. Was he responsible for allowing Dahak to use him? It was a pointless question, a waste of energy to try and find the answer, but if he got the chance he would beg forgiveness again. In his heart Iolaus knew that Hercules had never blamed him, but he needed to hear him say it again, he needed to believe it was true. And hiding from Michael, spying on him was the first step to helping his friend. It may mean damnation for his soul, probably a place worse than Tartarus, but so be it.
Michael had gathered together several of the long standing Guardians, they stood close to him while he sat resplendent on his throne. Michael looked at each of them searchingly before speaking. Behind his pillar Iolaus held his breath.
"Guardians, I bring you here to relate some important news. The Light has come to a decision that will affect each of us. It has studied the mortal world for a long time, searching for signs of itself in man. There have been glimmers, but only that. And now the Light feels the time has come for the reckoning." The gathered Guardians looked at each other uneasily, shuffling their feet, Iolaus could not help but smile in sympathy, they reminded him of himself, Michael had that kind of effect on a man.
"It has reflected long and hard on the world and its choices. For a thousand winters it has watched every night, it has born witness to the violence of man against man. It has seen murder, theft, hatred and so much violence. Against it lies little to weigh, just the occasional act of kindness, and in recent times even these have faded." Michael paused, as if for effect, " It has been decided that it is time to release the Four Horsemen." His voice rose into a roar as he raised his right fist into the air, "Armageddon is upon us!"
The Guardians exclaimed and their voices rose in chatter, they were as shocked as Iolaus, but they were not as horrified. Iolaus couldn't move: his head was reeling as the meaning of Michael's words hit him with sickening clarity. This meant the end of the world. The end of everything he held dear, it meant the end for Hercules on Earth. Michael had more to say, he spoke of War, Famine, Pestilence and Death, he explained in what part of the world they were to be released, and as he continued to speak Iolaus stopped listening, he had heard enough.
Iolaus stood in shock, he had to warn Hercules, he had to, no matter the cost. Humanity was worth more than Michael believed. His friends, people he admired; there was so much good in the world. Xena and Gabrielle, Jason and Iphicles, even Autolycus and Salmoneus had good hearts. He could not stand back and watch that all be destroyed. He just couldn't. Shaking himself free of the shock and forcing his limbs to move Iolaus silently slid away.
It was some time later, how long Iolaus could only guess. That was the trouble in the Light, the sense of time passing was gone and that was a dangerous thing. It may already be too late. Michael had disappeared after the meeting, and Iolaus had not managed to get anything from the other Guardians. When he asked why he hadn't been invited to the party, they just shrugged and suggested he wasn't to be trusted yet. "You got that right!" Iolaus muttered to himself as he left the gathered men. They all wore long flowing robes; Michael was the only one with a warrior's Armour. Iolaus did not think very much of the other Guardians, he would never be persuaded to trade in his leather for flowing robes.
He stood in front of his favourite window, this was the first place he had been able to see Hercules. He felt that it held more power than the other walls he had tried. "Okay, Iolaus, think Herc. Where are you buddy?"
Iolaus got a vague image of a village and people. He instantly knew that Hercules was dreaming. He didn't know how he knew, but he was not going to question it. "Fine. That's good. Here's a dream for you buddy, just listen to it will you" Iolaus concentrated hard. He pictured the same village Hercules was already dreaming about, but after Pestilence has been released. He saw himself with his eyes sewn shut, all the better to see, and he reached out to his friend. "Please listen to me Herc. Please hear me." But Hercules woke up, thinking he'd had a nightmare from eating Possum stew. Iolaus cried out in frustration, and turned away to find Joshua standing behind him. "How long have you been there?"
"Long enough to know you didn't manage to speak to him. You will have to try again Iolaus. And again, and again, until he listens. He will. He will hear you, and he will understand. But you have to be patient, this is going to be difficult for him to grasp."
Iolaus laughed, with none of the joy he usually had, the laugh was cynical and tired. "Yeah, right! Like he's ever going to believe a dream me. And I don't know how much time there is. I can't do this Joshua. I've failed him again!" Iolaus turned away, his eyes wet, his whole body showing defeat.
Joshua took hold of Iolaus' shoulders and spun him back so that they were face to face. "You will not give up, Iolaus. You cannot. Iolaus! Look at me!" Iolaus reluctantly raised his blue eyes to meet Joshua's' brown ones.
"Iolaus. You have the strength, and the depth of love. You are the only one who has a chance of warning Hercules, of warning the world. Do you want that on your conscience? Do you want to remember that maybe you could have warned humanity, but you gave up after one try?" Joshua gave Iolaus' shoulders a shake as if to underline the power of his message.
Iolaus was quiet for a minute, looking long and hard into Joshua's' eyes, then he seemed to give a mental shake and he smiled. This time it was full of the old Iolaus, mischievous and positive. "Joshua. They should have made you Guardian of positive thinking. Thank you my friend. Let's try again!"
Iolaus turned back to the blank wall and concentrated on Hercules again. This time when he saw him, he was standing in the central square of the same village. He was with two pretty girls, one still only a child, they looked like sisters. It was obvious to Iolaus that Hercules had just rescued one of them. He looked carefully at the scene, then exclaimed, the fountain! Joshua nodded his encouragement; the reflection of the water was exactly what Iolaus needed.
Iolaus concentrated his whole being into calling Hercules' name; he poured his strength into that fountain. Hercules looked up startled, it was working! Iolaus called again, his whole body was shaking with the effort, and sweat was pouring from him. "Hercules!"
Hercules reached the fountain and looked into it. Iolaus knew it was working when he could suddenly see Hercules from the other side of the water. It was as if Iolaus was submerged in the fountain, it took him a moment to focus enough "...your help." Every word was a supreme effort, " End...of...the...world." Iolaus fell backwards, caught by Joshua, almost unconscious. Joshua looked at the fading image on the wall. At that moment he could have hit Hercules, he still didn't believe. Carefully laying Iolaus down on the ground he wondered if he would be able to try again. Perhaps this was it for mankind; perhaps it was as it should be.
By the time Iolaus had recovered himself, they both feared that it was too late. Neither of them knew how much time had passed, and there was the constant fear that Michael would discover them at any time. Iolaus got to his feet and faced the wall again. "He has to see it, Joshua. He just has to."
Joshua smiled his encouragement, "Maybe, now that you've done it once it will be easier this time?"
"Let's hope so." Iolaus concentrated. He couldn't believe his eyes, Falafel! Falafel of all people. But this was good; this was actually perfect. Hercules was looking into a mirror. That would work just as well as the water. Perhaps better. Iolaus wondered what to say, then he grinned, say where, simple!
"The Peloponnesian Plains." It was still hard, but a little easier than before. Hercules was staring at him, Iolaus wanted to hug him, but there was no time for that. "There's no time!"
Iolaus collapsed again into Joshua's waiting arms. "I don't think I can do this much longer. But, I felt like I could reach out to him this time. It felt like I could touch him."
This was met with silence, Iolaus looked up at his companion quizzically.
"Maybe. Maybe you could!"
"What! What are you talking about?"
"Just think about it Iolaus. You could see him. Now you can talk to him, and he can see you. What is the next step? You touch! If you reached out, and he reached out, then..."
Iolaus laughed, "You're mad, totally mad. That couldn't work, could it?"
The two men stood silently for a moment, aeon, second. They looked at each other. Iolaus voice was a little husky when he finally spoke. "I would give anything to be with Herc again. By his side, fighting the good fight. It's where I belong."
"How long do we have? How many of the Horsemen are already loose on the world?" Joshua stared at the blank wall desperation in his face. The window opened for him, the scene it showed told him all he needed to know, and more than he wanted to know, he turned away. "There's no time Iolaus, no time."
Iolaus turned back to the window and sighed a big sigh, preparing himself for what he knew would have to be the last struggle. Before beginning he turned back to Joshua, "Whatever happens my friend, thank you. The Light would have been a confusing, lonely place without you."
Iolaus grasped Joshua's arm in the traditional warrior greeting, Joshua responded a little warily, he was a poet and didn't know the warrior ways, but they smiled at each other in complete understanding. Joshua stepped back a little, "It has been an honour to know you Iolaus. If you get back to Hercules, I will look in on you from time to time, if that's all right?"
Iolaus nodded, "Joshua, I think I know why the Light wanted you. You reminded people how to care about each other. With your tales of heroic deeds, you made them understand that they could be heroes themselves. You, and your kind helped delay this day."
He turned back to the window before Joshua could respond. It had opened on to a blue sky and trees, which they were seeing through the water of a pool. There had been a battle close by. There was the telling haze in the air, and the scent of death reached even through the window into the Light. Hercules must be nearby, Iolaus called his name, with his voice, with his heart, and with his soul. In his heart he felt Hercules closing, and then he was looking up at that familiar face. "Going to get worse." If he was going to do this it was now or never. "Help me!" Iolaus put everything he had into reaching forward through the window, through the water, "Help me!"
He felt his hand touch that of another. He felt the familiar grasp of the demigod, and then they were falling, and he was on top of Herc, looking into his face. He grinned, "Hi, buddy!"
And everything was all right because Hercules had Iolaus at his side.
As it is so it shall be.
the end
Summer 1999
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