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The Ways of Love
by Gwen Olivier
golivier@juno.com

	Hercules stirred the stew absentmindedly as he watched Iolaus restringing 
his bow.  "So are you planning to go hunting?" asked Hercules.
	"Huh?"
	"Hunting?" repeated Hercules.
	"Nah, I want to go fishing.  I know the perfect place."
	Hercules laughed, "I'll bet you do."  He carefully added a pinch of spice 
to the stew.  "Do you think Festus will want to come?"
	"Nah, he said we could use his cabin as long as we wanted because he's 
gone to visit his sister for a few months till she has her baby," said Iolaus.
	"Ah," said Hercules.  "So we're just going to hang around here for a few 
months."
	"Come on, Hercules, it's just a few days of fishing.  Is that asking too 
much?"
	"No, my friend, not at al..."
	There was a knock at the door.  The two friends looked at each other.  
"Who could that be?" asked Iolaus.
	"Why don't you open the door and find out?" said Hercules.
	"I'm busy, Herc, could you, please?"  said Iolaus as he wrapped the end of 
the bent bow carefully with the string.
	"Sure," said Hercules as he put the spoon down and headed for the door.  
He opened it and exclaimed, "Iolaus!  What's going on?"
	"Huh?" said Iolaus.
	"Oh, not you, Iolaus," Hercules gestured toward the open door.  "You, 
Iolaus."  Hercules reached out and clasped Iolaus2's arm.  "Come on in."
	Iolaus looked up as Iolaus2 entered.  Iolaus2 smiled meekly and nodded to 
Iolaus.  "I...um...heard you were back.  I...uh...feel like I already know you," 
said Iolaus2.
	"Likewise," said Iolaus putting down his bow and standing up to offer his 
lookalike his hand.  "It's really nice to meet you."  The two blonds clasped 
hands warmly.
	"What brings you here?" asked Hercules.
	"Well, Aphrodite was kind enough to change me back and tell me where to 
find you."  Iolaus2 shifted his weight,  "I...er...I have a big favor to ask 
you."
	"I'm listening."
	Iolaus2 smiled and looked down at his hands.  "I...um...er...I mean 
Nautica was wondering if you could ask your friend the Widow Twanky to teach her 
how to dance?"
	"Dance?"
	"Yeah," Iolaus2 threw both arms up and moved to sit in a chair.  "I was 
telling her about dancing and festivals and the story about the dance contest 
you won with the Widow Twanky's help, and now she wants us to enter a dance 
contest at the festival in the fishing village next month."
	"Well, the last time I saw the Widow Twanky, she was in Athens."
	"Athens.  I knew this was a bad idea.  But Nautica was so excited, I hated 
to disappoint her."
	Hercules looked at Iolaus who shrugged.  "Well, I can ask her and see what 
she says."
	Iolaus2 looked hopeful.  "You will.  Thanks, Herc, I really appreciate 
it."
	"It's not a problem.  We were just getting ready to have dinner.  Would 
you like to join us?" asked Hercules.
	Iolaus2 looked at Iolaus who smiled and said, "I'm sure there's plenty 
enough to go around."
	"Thanks, I'd like that."

	As Iolaus2 helped Hercules clean up the supper dishes.  Iolaus cleaned up 
the mess he had made with his bow repair supplies.  "So what time do we leave 
for Athens?" asked Iolaus.
	Hercules looked up at him with a bemused expression on his face.  "I 
thought you were going fishing."
	"Well, that was before this trip to Athens came up.  Besides, we can fish 
along the way."
	"Good," said Hercules.  He looked at Iolaus2.  "Did you want to come, 
too?"
	Iolaus2 looked at Iolaus and then at Hercules, "Um, if three's not a 
crowd, I'd love to come.  I told Nautica it might take me a while to get 
everything worked out.  She understands."
	"Great," said Hercules, "then I guess we leave first thing in the 
morning."  He looked at the expression on Iolaus' face and then at the one on 
Iolaus2's face and frowned.  "Uh, am I missing something here?"
	Iolaus giggled, "I've been dying to meet this mysterious girlfriend of 
yours."
	"Now, don't start with that stuff, Iolaus.  She is NOT my girlfriend," 
protested Hercules.
	"She did seem to have kind of a thing for you from what you told me," 
added Iolaus2.
	Hercules held up both his hands in a warding-off gesture.  "All right you 
two, if you're going to gang up on me..."
	"What are you going to do about it?" asked Iolaus2.  Hercules looked at 
the man in disbelief then he looked around for something.  The towel he had been 
using to dry the dishes. He picked it up and started twirling it around as he 
advanced toward Iolaus2 who was laughing as he backed away.
	Iolaus grabbed a pillow and threw it to Iolaus2.  Hercules glanced at 
Iolaus.  "So that's how it's going to be, huh?"  He looked back at Iolaus2 who 
was now grasping the pillow in front of himself.  "I hope you know how to use 
that thing," said Hercules as he lashed out with the towel.  Iolaus2 fended it 
off with the pillow as Iolaus grabbed a pillow of his own.
	It took them three times as long to clean up the feathers from the pillows 
as the fight lasted, but the three men had relished the roughhousing.  They all 
slept soundly and woke ready for a long journey in the morning.

	Iolaus2 volunteered to fix breakfast, so Hercules and Iolaus set about 
packing the few provisions they would need for their journey.  "You know, Herc," 
said Iolaus, "he doesn't seem very timid to me."
	Hercules laughed.  "He's come a long way since I first met him."
	"Obviously.  Is he really as good a cook as you say he is?"
	"You'll see for yourself in a minute.  I do believe I smell waffles."
	"Waffles?"
	"Waffles," said Hercules pausing in the doorway, "last one there does the 
dishes."  Hercules ducked out the room shutting the door behind him.
	"No fair," laughed Iolaus through the closed door.  And Hercules laughed 
to himself as he headed for the kitchen area.

	Several days later, Iolaus2 and Hercules were busy setting up camp while 
Iolaus was fishing for their supper.  "You know, Hercules, now that I've seen 
the two of you together."  Iolaus2 paused and Hercules waited patiently.  "Well, 
I understand a lot better than I did before.  I mean, I know what you told me 
about your friendship, but it's not the same as seeing you two together."  He 
paused and grimaced, "I've never had a real friend till I met you, and now 
Nautica," he sighed heavily, "I really miss her.  Well, anyway, I can't thank 
you enough for helping me make a life with her."
	"How's that working out?  Do you like living under the sea?"
	"Oh, yeah, as long as Nautica's there it doesn't matter where I am or what 
I am.  I've never been happier."
	"I'm glad to hear it."
	"WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" yelled Iolaus from his spot near the stream.
	"Isn't he going to scare the fish?" asked Iolaus2.
	Hercules nodded, "I think that means he's succeeded in catching us 
dinner."
	"Ah," said Iolaus2 just as Iolaus strolled up carrying several   large 
fish.
	"Anybody hungry?" he asked.
	"I'm famished," said Hercules.  "I guess it's my turn to cook."  He stood 
up and reached for the fish which Iolaus gladly handed over to him.
	Iolaus sat down on a log next to Iolaus2.  "We should reach Athens 
tomorrow afternoon," said Iolaus.  "How hard is it going to be to find this 
girlfriend of yours?"  Iolaus giggled.
	Hercules waved a fish at Iolaus, "Don't start."
	"All right," ceded Iolaus, "I'll let you get busy with dinner."  He turned 
to Iolaus2.  "So, Iolaus, what do you think?  Is this Twanky person going to be 
a knockout?"
	"I'm counting on it.  I mean after what Hercules told me about the fashion 
show, I can't believe he was able to walk away from her a second time," said 
Iolaus2.
	"Yeah, I think that's why he's so eager to get back to her,"
giggled Iolaus.
	Hercules crossed his eyes as he threw a gutted fish into the frying pan.  
"You two are not very funny."
	"Oh, come on, Herc," teased Iolaus.  "You said she was at least old enough 
to be your mother."
	"The Widow Twanky is a very classy lady, and the two of you are going to 
eat your words."
	"Well, I'd much rather be eating those fish," said Iolaus.
	"Patience is a virtue," said Hercules.
	"Yeah, and I'm hungry," said Iolaus.
	Iolaus2 stood up, "Iolaus, why don't you show me how to shoot that bow of 
yours while Hercules finishes dinner?"
	Iolaus also stood up.  "Yeah, good idea."  He grabbed his bow and some 
arrows.  "Let's go over here."  He led Iolaus2 off to the side where Hercules 
noticed they stood with their heads close together talking rather than actually 
shooting any arrows.  He decided to ignore them and concentrated on his cooking.
	Later as the three men lay around the campfire ready for sleep.  Iolaus 
started singing a song and Iolaus2 joined in.  At least Iolaus2 could sing 
thought Hercules as he grimaced at the words he was hearing.
	
		Hercules has a lover.
		Twanky is her name.
		And we're sure there is no other...
		Dancing is her game.
		She likes strong men,	
		And she flies real high.
		She'll dance all night, 
		And then she'll sigh,
                      (breathy)
		"Oh, Hercules..."
                      (pause)
		Has a lover...
		And Twanky is her name...

	"One more note out of either of you, and you'd better start running," 
growled Hercules.
	"I think he means it," said Iolaus2.
	"Nah," giggled Iolaus, "but I guess we can go to sleep now."  Iolaus lay 
quietly for a whole minute and then very softly he sang, "And Twanky is her 
name."  The leftover fish conked him on the back of the head.  "He means it," 
said Iolaus as he reached for the fish and popped a huge piece into his mouth. 
"Thanks, Herc, how'd you know I was still hungry?"  Hercules merely groaned in 
reply as Iolaus munched happily away.

	The next day when they reached Athens, they decided to split up to search 
for Twanky, and meet back at the tavern for dinner.  Iolaus2 was the first to 
happen upon the right design house.  He walked in and smiled at the young woman 
sitting at a table sketching pictures.  "Uh, excuse me, I'm looking for the 
Widow Twanky."
	"Of course, you are, you dear boy," said Twanky as she sashayed into the 
room.  She eyed Iolaus2 up and down and then leaned in to him.  "What can you do 
for me, Young Man?"
	"You're the Widow Twanky?" said Iolaus2 swallowing.  "Er...I...um...you 
see my wife..."   Twanky jumped back as if burned.
	"Wife?  I have no use for married men.  Off with you, we'll have none of 
that hanky panky or mucking about 'round here."
	"But I'm a friend of Hercules," said Iolaus2.
	"Hercules?"  said the Widow Twanky suddenly changing her tune.  She spun 
around and moved up close to Iolaus2.  "Now, that's what a call a real man.  
Where is he?"
	"Um, he's out looking for you.  Why don't I go find him?"
	"Yes, why don't you do that.  I have to go make myself 
beauti...er...presentable.  Hurry along, young fellow.  Hurry along.  We mustn't 
keep me...er...Hercules...waiting."  She adjusted her bosom and left the room.  
Iolaus2 stared after her a minute before he finally turned and headed out the 
door.

	A short time later, Iolaus found the same shop.  The young woman doing the 
sketches looked up and frowned at him.  "He's back!" she called.
	"Hey, how'd you know I was dea...?" began Iolaus.
	Twanky sashayed in all dolled up.  She looked Iolaus up and down and 
looked behind him.  "Where's Hercules?"
	Iolaus shrugged, "Out looking for you if you're the Widow Twanky."
	"And who else would I be you impertinent hunk of golden flesh."  She ran a 
hand under the edge of his vest down his torso.  I see you've changed your 
outfit.  I like it.  It reveals your assets.  And I can see that married life 
hasn't done anything to those wonderful abs."
	"I'm not married."
	Twanky was now running her finger around his medallion.  "Now, don't go 
lying to me you man you.  What about your wife?"
	"I haven't got a wife."  Iolaus suddenly realized what was going on.  
"Have I been in here already today?"
	"Don't you know where you've been?"
	"Well, no, I mean yes, I know where I've been, but I have a double.  He's 
married.  In fact, he's the reason I'm here."
	"So he looks like you, but you're not married," said Twanky as she ran a 
finger up his arm.
	Just then the door opened and Hercules stepped into the shop.  He took one 
look at Iolaus and Twanky and said, "I can't leave you alone for a minute."
	"Uh, hi, Herc," said Iolaus, then he giggled.  "Look who I found."
	"Well, don't let me interrupt..."
	"No, that's all right," said Iolaus as he quickly moved away from Twanky 
to stand next to Hercules.  "Uh, evidently the other Iolaus got here first."  He 
looked at Twanky, "Do you know where he went?"
	"To find Hercules."  She moved over to Hercules and put her hands on his 
chest.  "And here he is.  Ummmm.  What can you do for me, Hercules?"
	"Uh, my friend is looking for someone to teach his wife how to dance.  She 
wants to enter a dance contest in two weeks."
	"Two weeks?  Can she dance at all?"
	"Well, actually, she's a mermaid."
	"Excuse me?  Did you say mermaid?"
	"As a matter of fact, I did."
	"But mermaids have tails, not legs," she ran her hand down the front of 
Hercules' thigh and made a slight groan.  Then she leaned back against his torso 
and looked into his face, "Don't they?"
	Hercules gently took her by the shoulders and moved her away from himself.  
"Well, ordinarily, but my sister Aphrodite is going to give her legs for the 
contest."
	"I see," said Twanky thoughtfully.  "Now, would we be going to the seaside 
or staying in Athens?"
	Hercules shrugged, "It would be better for her if we went to the seaside."
	Twanky bounced up and down and clapped her hands.  "Oh, goody, I could do 
with a little seaside vacation."  She paused and looked purposefully at Iolaus.  
"Now, more importantly, is he going to be there?"
	Iolaus' eyes got real big as he looked frantically at Hercules.  
"I...uh...I mean...we...uh...have monsters to slay and people to save."
	"I see," said Twanky suddenly all business.  "Well, in that case, I have a 
business to run."
	Hercules grimaced, "Look, Twanky, I'm sure Iolaus and I can manage to drop 
in from time to time to see how you're progressing.  And we'll certainly escort 
you to the village."
	Twanky's eyes lit up.  "You will?"  She moved over to a table and looked 
at a scroll.  "I think I can free up some time.  Pick me up tomorrow morning.  
Don't be late."  She batted her eyes at them, then shuffled off into the back of 
the shop.  Iolaus gave Hercules a why-did-you-do-that-to-me look.  Hercules 
shrugged his shoulders.
	"I'm sorry, Iolaus, I didn't want to let the other Iolaus down."
	"But Hercules, she's...she's...."
	"I know."  Hercules put a hand on Iolaus' shoulder.  "Let's go find Iolaus 
and tell him the good news."  There wasn't much enthusiasm in Hercules' voice as 
the two men left the shop.

	The next morning, the three men arrived at the design house just after 
daybreak.  As they approached the door, a voice rang out.  "Hello, boys, are you 
all looking for me?"  The three men slowly looked up to the roof of the house 
where the Widow Twanky was standing smiling down at them.  Before he realized 
what was happening, Hercules heard Twanky yell, "Catch!" and then he saw her 
leap in his direction.  Instinctively he put his arms out to catch her as she 
plummeted down.  "OOOOH, my hero," she drawled as she landed.  The two Iolai 
snickered and Hercules quickly put the Widow down.
	"Helloooo, Hercules, hello, you two devilishly handsome bookends?"  She 
winked at Iolaus.  "I wonder if there's anyway to tell them apart."
	"We dress differently," said Iolaus2.  "I'm the married one."
    	Iolaus was feeling a bit uncomfortable under the Widow's appraising gaze.  
"Oh, so you do," she said not taking her eyes off of Iolaus.  "I certainly hope 
you're not as shy as my Hunky Herc here."
	"Well, I..." he looked to Hercules hopefully.  Hercules merely shrugged.
	"You're on your own, buddy," said Hercules.
	Iolaus rolled his eyes at his friend and then quickly turned his attention 
back to Twanky who was moving in on him.  Iolaus started to back away, "Um, we 
have a long trip ahead of us, are you ready?"
	"Always, young man, and don't you forget it."
 	Hercules grimaced, "All right, let's get moving."  He looked meaningfully 
at Twanky, "And no funny stuff."
	Twanky stood as tall as she could and looked Iolaus in the eyes, "When I 
get down to business I can assure you you won't be laughing."  She put her lips 
together and blew Iolaus a kiss, then she raised her eyebrows at Hercules.  
"Now, if one of you strapping young men can help me with my bag, I'd be ever so 
grateful."  She indicated a large cloth-sided back with wooden handles on it.
	"I guess that would be me," said Hercules moving to retrieve the bag.  
Iolaus2 and Twanky started up the road.
	Iolaus swallowed a giggle as Hercules caught up with him.  "I'll tell you, 
Herc, she's...uh...quite a woman."
	"She's all yours, buddy," said Hercules.
	"Oh no, I don't think I could do that to you, buddy.  But there is 
something about her that...I don't know; I can't quite put my finger on it."
	
***

	The journey back to Iolaus2's village was enjoyable for all the travelers.  
The Widow Twanky relished being in the company of three handsome virile men, and 
she entertained them with wild stories the likes of which they had never heard 
before.  And Iolaus, always the consummate story teller, regaled them with tales 
of Hercules that had the big man blushing furiously.  And Iolaus2 told tales of 
living in his other world and under the sea that had the other three totally 
mesmerized.  Even Hercules told a tale or two as they traveled.
	When they finally reached the village, and Aphrodite and Nautica joined 
the group, Hercules fell unusually quiet.  Iolaus managed to get Hercules alone 
one afternoon on the pretense of wanting to fish.  "So are you going to tell me 
what's wrong?"
	"Huh?"
	"What's bugging you?"
	"Why do you think something's bugging me?"
	Iolaus shrugged, "Because you've been unusually quiet, even for you."
	Hercules cocked his head to the side.  "I hadn't noticed."
	"I see," said Iolaus sagely.  "So either you really have a thing for the 
Widow Twanky, or you no longer trust me enough to confide in me."  Hercules gave 
Iolaus an I-can't-believe-you-said-that look.  "Or," continued Iolaus, "you're 
not sure what's wrong yourself."
	Hercules nodded affirmation.  "I don't know what it is, Iolaus.  I just 
feel..."
	"This is where you ran into Serena isn't it."
	"Yeah, but..."
	"Yeah, but you remember how happy you were with her even though it was 
only for a short time.  And that makes you think about Deianeira and your 
children."
	"How did you get to be so smart?"
	Iolaus smiled, "I've spent time in the Light."  Hercules nodded 
understanding.
	"Well, do you have any recommendations?"
	"A pint of ale and a pretty woman," said Iolaus.  He wiggled his eyebrows, 
"And I'm not talking about the Widow Twanky," he paused and raised a single 
eyebrow, "although, I'd bet she could teach you a thing or two."
	"I'm sure she could," said Hercules, "but how about you and I just do some 
fishing?"
	"Fishing's good.  I can do fishing," said Iolaus grabbing a hook and some 
string.  Hercules laughed and moved to sit down next to Iolaus on the pier.
	"Do you have one of those for me?"
	Iolaus held one out to him.  "I'm glad to see you're finally learning the 
finer art of fishing."
	"Well, it's a bit deep to stand in the water here."
	"I wonder what it would be like to go fishing with Iolaus and Nautica?"
	"I could ask Aphrodite to give you a tail."
	"I don't think so.  One fish in the family is enough."
	"So you think of Iolaus as family?"
	"Yeah, I mean he's like me only different."  He paused thoughtfully.  "I 
don't know.  It's not the same as you and me.  I mean, you know I consider you 
my brother."
	"And you're mine."
	"But he's just like..."
	"Another brother?"
	"I guess."
	"Well, there's nothing wrong with that.  Just as long as you don't start 
thinking of Twanky as our sister."  
	Iolaus laughed.  "You know, Herc, I think you may really be missing the 
boat there."
	"That's all right, but there's nothing stopping you."
	"Oh, I could never take your girl," laughed Iolaus.
	"No?"
	"Of course, not."  Hercules pushed him into the water.  Iolaus came up 
sputtering.  "What did you do that for?"  He held up a hand, "The least you 
could do is help me out of here."
	Hercules leaned over to offer Iolaus his hand, and Iolaus pulled him in.  
Hercules came up sputtering and tried to push Iolaus under the water.  As the 
two men roughhoused in the water, Iolaus2 walked up to the edge of the pier and 
watched them.  "Are you two catching any fish?"
	"I'm afraid not," laughed Hercules as he stopped splashing Iolaus and 
started treading water.
	"Well, Nautica and I would like you to join us for dinner at our house."
	Iolaus moved up next to Hercules, "Tell me one thing, can she cook?"
	"I taught her myself."
	"I'm there," said Hercules.
	"Sounds good to me," said Iolaus.
	"Great," said Iolaus2.  "I was going to ask Aphrodite to bring you, but 
since you're already wet, I guess I can do it myself."  He dove in the water and 
emerged between the two men a moment later.  "Just hang on to me.  I'll stay on 
the surface till we reach the right spot."
	"Swim on, brother," said Hercules.
	"Brother," said Iolaus2.
	"Yeah," said Iolaus, "Hercules and I decided you were like a brother to 
us."
	Iolaus2 grinned, "Really, you think of me as your brother?"
	Hercules and Iolaus grinned and nodded together.  Iolaus2 suddenly ducked 
his head under the water.  "What's with him?"
asked Hercules.
	"I think he's a little emotional," explained Iolaus.
	Hercules nodded.  "I just hope he doesn't drown us."
	Iolaus2 popped his head up again, and the three swam out into the middle 
of the sea.  Finally, Iolaus2 paused, "Okay, take a really deep breath we're 
going down."  Hercules and Iolaus inhaled and were pulled toward the bottom by 
Iolaus2 who was now fully back to his merman self.

	The newlyweds had a small cave which they had turned into a cozy home.  
Twanky was already there with Aphrodite.  Twanky looked up as the three men 
entered the cave and swam up to the ledge which served as their living room.  
Iolaus2 pulled himself onto the ledge next to Nautica and let his tail hang in 
the water next to hers.  He kissed her in greeting and lost himself in her eyes.  
Hercules and Iolaus climbed out of the water onto the ledge and moved to greet 
Twanky and the goddess.  Twanky openly admired their dripping forms and started 
fanning herself, "Oooh, I just don't know how much a poor woman can be expected 
to take."  She leaned back in the love seat where she sat continuing to fan 
herself furiously while letting her eyes move from the two dripping men to 
Iolaus2 and Nautica.  "I shall never think of fish the same way again.  Ummmph!"
	Aphrodite laughed, "They're still newlyweds.  Dinner's on the table"  She 
waved her hand in the direction of the empty space and a table laden with food 
appeared.  "I'll be back for you guys in a couple of hours.  Have fun."  She 
blew love dust on Iolaus and popped out of the cave.
	"Aphrodite," yelled Hercules, but it was too late.  She was gone.  
Hercules looked at Iolaus who was ogling Twanky like a lovesick puppy.  "I can't 
believe this."
	"Oh my," said Twanky as Iolaus moved to sit next to her.
	"Twanky, you do realize he's under a spell?" said Hercules.
	Twanky rolled her eyes at Hercules, "Oh, don't get your shorts in a 
lather; it's not like we have any privacy here.  Can't a girl enjoy a little 
masculine affection and admiration for an evening without causing a scandal?"
	"I'm sorry.  I just don't want my friend getting hurt while he's not quite 
himself."
	"Hurting him was the last thing on my mind; unless, of course, he's in to 
that sort of thing."
	"Twanky," warned Hercules.
	"You have my word, Hercules.  An evening of harmless flirtation, nothing 
more."  She leaned against Iolaus who was now sitting next to her running his 
fingers up her arm.  "Oh, my, he is a smoothy, isn't he?"
	Hercules rolled his eyes and leaned over and knocked Iolaus2's shoulder.  
"I think we'd better hurry up and eat before things get out of hand."
	"Huh?" said Iolaus2.
	"Dinner," said Hercules gesturing toward Iolaus and Twanky.  Iolaus2 
looked where he pointed and frowned.
	"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, dinner.  Where's Aphrodite?"
	"She left."
	"Oh, well, it would be easier if we had legs, would you mind serving?"
	Hercules moved to the food table and stared at all the food.    "Dinner is 
served."
	"I'm not hungry," said Iolaus as he moved to nozzle Twanky's ear.
	"Yes, you are," said Hercules, grabbing him by the vest, "my sister put a 
spell on you."
	"Aphrodite did this?"  Hercules nodded.  Iolaus looked longingly at 
Twanky.  "You're very hungry for food," insisted Hercules.
	"Food?"  Iolaus shook his head.  "Oh, yeah, food.  Let's eat."
	"Herc, would you mind?" said Iolaus2.  "We'd like to join you at the 
table."
	Hercules lifted first Nautica, then Iolaus2 and placed them in chairs at 
the table.  Then he deliberately took a seat between Iolaus and Twanky.

	By the time Aphrodite returned two hours later.  Hercules' nerves were 
frazzled, and he had given up the battle.  He sat at the table nursing a cup of 
fruit juice making polite conversation with Iolaus2 and Nautica, while Iolaus 
and Twanky cooed at each other on the love seat.  Aphrodite giggled, "Oh, little 
bro, you are such a stuffed shirt.  How was dinner?"
	"Dinner was fine," said Hercules, "now if you would just remove your spell 
from my friend."
	Aphrodite pouted, "But they look so happy."
	"Aphrodite," said Hercules.
	She made a face at him, "Party pooper.  All right."  She waved her hand.  
Iolaus stopped suddenly as he held Twanky's hand.
	"Um, I sure could use some more dessert," he said looking toward the 
table.
	"Ooooh, you naughty boy," said Twanky.
	"Uh, I mean food," said Iolaus dropping Twanky's hand and moving for the 
table.
	Twanky rolled her eyes.  "Well, it was fun while it lasted."  She let out 
a heavy sigh.  "Is there any more of that ale left?"
	"Sure," said Hercules, reaching for a cup.  He poured the ale and handed 
it to Twanky.  "Can I have a little talk with you, sis?"  He grabbed Aphrodite 
by the arm and let her to a back part of the cavern.
	"So, how are the dancing lessons coming?" asked Iolaus.
	Nautica shrugged.  "We still have a week before the contest."
	Iolaus2 laughed, "She means if we had another month or so there might be 
some hope."
	Nautica hit him playfully.  "Oh, come on, Iolaus.  We're not that bad."
	"We're not that good either."
	Twanky stood up and crossed to the table.  "Well, I suggest we all get a 
good night's sleep so we can work really hard tomorrow."  She looked 
meaningfully at Iolaus, "What a waste."  She turned to where Hercules and 
Aphrodite were conferring in the corner.  "Aphrodite, I would like to go home 
now."
	"Be right there," said Aphrodite glad for an excuse to escape Hercules' 
admonishment.
	Iolaus stood up and moved around to whisper something in Twanky's ear.  
Twanky blushed.  "You really are a naughty boy."  Iolaus kissed her on the 
cheek.
	"And you, dear lady, are a treasure," said Iolaus gallantly.  Hercules 
frowned at him as Aphrodite moved to take Twanky's arm.
	"Good bye, everyone, I'll see you tomorrow," said Twanky.  Then she and 
Aphrodite disappeared.  Hercules moved to stand next to Iolaus.
	"What was that all about?" asked Hercules.
	Iolaus smiled up at Hercules, "She's really something else, Hercules.  I 
can see why you like her."  His eyes twinkled.
	"Are you sure you're all right?"
	"Yeah, I'm not under any spells."  Aphrodite's giggles filled the cave and 
she reappeared.
	"Your turn, sweet cheeks, you ready?"
	"I was born ready," said Iolaus as he moved to take Aphrodite's arm and 
looked back to wiggle his eyebrows at Hercules.  "Oh, wait a second."   Iolaus 
let go of Aphrodite's arm and moved over to Nautica.
	He took her hand and kissed the back of it.  "Thank you for the wonderful 
dinner," he said.
	"I'm glad you liked it," said Nautica.
	Then he shook Iolaus2's hand.  "See you tomorrow, Bro."
	"Take it easy, Bro," said Iolaus2.  Iolaus returned to Aphrodite's side 
and she took his arm.  They disappeared.
	"I'm sorry your evening was ruined, Hercules," said Iolaus2.
	"It wasn't ruined.  The food was delicious, and it's always good to visit 
with my friends."
	"Yeah, but even if Iolaus and Twanky do have a fling.  What harm would it 
do?"
	Hercules shrugged.  "Then that's their choice.  I have this thing about 
gods making people do things against their will."
	"Well, there doesn't seem to be any harm done?"
	"I hope not.  I respect the Widow Twanky."
	"She's a bit flamboyant, but I think her bark is much worse than her 
bite," said Iolaus2.
	"It's just that she's lonely, and I don't like playing with her emotions."
	Aphrodite's giggle filled the cavern, "Oh, little bro, you are such a 
prude.  That old lady knows more about the ways of the world than you could even 
guess at.  Believe me, she's fine.  Are you ready to go yet?  I've got things to 
do."
	"Thank you, Dite, for helping with the meal," said Iolaus2.
	"No, problem, Curly, glad to help.  You want back in the water for the 
night?"
	"If you don't mind," said Nautica.  Aphrodite waved her hand and all the 
furniture except a large stone chair disappeared and Nautica and Iolaus2 were 
suddenly in the water next to the ledge.
	"Goodbye, Hercules, thanks for coming," said Iolaus2.
	"I'll see you two tomorrow," said Hercules as Aphrodite grabbed his arm.  
The two of them disappeared.  Iolaus2 turned to Nautica and smiled into her 
eyes.

***

	Two days before the contest, Hercules and Iolaus dropped by the room they 
were using as a dance studio to check out their progress.  Twanky nearly flew 
across the room to greet them when they entered.  "Hercules, Iolaus, how good of 
you to come."  She turned around and frowned at Iolaus2 and Nautica, "It's a 
shame we have nothing to show you yet."
	"But it's only two days to the contest," said Iolaus.
	"Yes, I know, but some things just weren't meant to be."
	Nautica frowned, "It's all my fault.  I'm just a klutz."  Twanky swooped 
down on her.
	"Now, now, young lady, we do not talk that way in this class.  You are 
what you think.  And you are a beautiful, graceful creature who can dance 
wonderfully if you make up your mind to do it.  Do you understand me?"  Nautica 
nodded.  "Good.  Then let's get back to work."  She turned to Hercules and 
Iolaus and pointed to a bench in the corner.  "You two can wait over there."
	Hercules and Iolaus sat where they were told and watched in horror as 
Nautica struggled to dance.  Iolaus finally buried his head in his hands.  But 
Hercules continued to watch with a puzzled expression on his face.  When they 
paused, Hercules spoke up.  "Excuse me, but can I ask a question?"
	"I don't suppose I could stop you if I wanted to," said Twanky.  "So ask 
away."
	"Nautica, have you ever seen two people dancing?"
	Nautica shook her head, "Well, no.  I've only heard Iolaus talk about it."
	"Oh, you clever man, you," said Twanky running over to where Hercules was 
sitting.  She grabbed his hand.  "You will help me demonstrate, won't you?"
	"Uh, I think Iolaus would be better since he's just like her partner."
	Iolaus shot a look of daggers at Hercules, but smiled weakly at Twanky.  
"Oh, please, Iolaus, it would mean so much to me," said Iolaus2.
	"All right, but I've never won a dance contest," said Iolaus looking hard 
at Hercules who just smiled and nodded.  He was surprised at how well Iolaus and 
Twanky moved together across the dance floor.  Nautica's eyes grew large with 
final understanding.  After a few minutes of watching, she and Iolaus2 got up 
and started to dance.  Hercules clapped his hands.
	Aphrodite appeared on the bench next to him.  She giggled, "Aren't they 
wonderful?"
	"Yeah," agreed Hercules smiling.  "They are."
	"Oh, dance with me, bro, it looks like so much fun."  Hercules surprised 
himself by accepting her offer.   The three couples danced the evening away, 
then retired to the inn where Twanky was staying for a late supper.  As they ate 
and talked, Hercules noticed a strange man sitting in the corner glaring at them 
from time to time.  When supper was over, he made a point of escorting Twanky to 
the door of her room.
	"Now, be sure and lock it."
	"Are you really worried about me you silly boy?"
	"Yes, I am.  Be careful."
	"I'm always careful.  I'll see you tomorrow."  She paused, "Unless you 
want to come in."
	"I don't think so, but thank you anyway."
	"It's your loss.  Now, off with you."  She went in the room and winked at 
him before closing the door.  Hercules shook his head and headed down the 
stairs.  The man was no longer sitting in the corner.  Hercules looked around, 
but he saw no sign of the man.  Hopefully, he had gone home.
	"Well, shall we walk you to the shoreline?" asked Hercules.
	"No, thanks, we've got a room for the night," said Iolaus2.
	Hercules grinned, "Well, in that case, we'll see you tomorrow.  Are you 
ready, Iolaus?"
	"Sure, let's go."  The two friends headed out the door and down the 
street.
	"Why so quiet?" asked Hercules.
	"I don't know.  I was thinking of getting a room tonight, too, but they 
were all taken."
	"Why don't we spend the night on the beach?" said Hercules.
	"Okay, by me," said Iolaus.
	"You hate getting sand in your clothes."
	"Huh?"
	"What's bothering you, Iolaus?"
	"It's Twanky.  I mean, I had fun dancing with her tonight.  Do you think 
I'm crazy?"
	"No, I think you're a healthy red-blooded man, and she's a way-too red-
blooded woman.  Besides when you came back from the Light, you said that was one 
of the things you missed most, and as far as I know, you haven't done anything 
about it yet."
	"This is true."
	"I'm sure there'll be plenty of women at the festival, my friend."
	"I sure hope so.  I think Twanky may be a bit too much of a woman for me."  
Hercules laughed out loud as he led the way to the beach.

	Finally, the day of the festival arrived.  Hercules was asked to judge 
some athletic events, while Iolaus got involved in a beauty contest and 
disappeared with one of the contestants.  Nautica was too busy taking everything 
in to worry about the dance contest, and Twanky had disappeared shortly after 
breakfast.  Worried, Hercules began to search for Twanky in earnest about an 
hour before the dance contest was scheduled to begin.  He finally tracked her 
down sitting under a tree sipping a large glass of something red.
	"So this is where you've gotten to," said Hercules moving to sit down next 
to her.
	"You don't have to worry about me, I'm not going to miss seeing them in 
the dance contest."
	"What's the matter, Twanky?"
	"Nothing's the matter.  Everything went beautifully yesterday.  If they 
don't win the contest, there's no justice in the world.  And if you must know, 
an old lover of mine showed up last night."
	"And did he upset you?"
	"He wants me to go off to somewhere or other with him."
	"And you don't want to?"
	"Oh, Hercules, I've wanted a man for so long, but he's just not the right 
one.  And I don't know if I'll ever find another."
	"You know you won't be happy with the wrong man.  The right man for you is 
out there somewhere.  You just have to be patient."
	"I've been patient.  A girl can't afford to be patient forever you know.  
Time marches on.  The sand runs out of the hour glass.  The biological clock 
stops ticking..."  Hercules raised an eyebrow at that one.  Twanky waved a hand 
at him.  "Shame on you, but you're right.  I shall not settle for less than the 
best."  She downed her drink and stood up.  "Now, where is that contest being 
held?"

	Hercules was surprised that Iolaus showed up for the contest.  His hair 
was a mess, but he looked happy.  He walked up to Twanky and whispered something 
in her ear.  Twanky laughed and the two of them went off together.  Hercules 
shook his head in disbelief, but was even more surprised when he saw what they 
were up to.  Iolaus2 and Nautica only won second prize in the contest because 
first place when to Iolaus and Twanky.  One of the judges of the dance contest, 
an older white-haired gentleman seemed to take a shine to Twanky and the two of 
them danced the evening away as did Nautica and Iolaus2.  Iolaus had his share 
of dances with various pretty girls, and even Hercules was persuaded to join in 
a dance or two.

	Later as Hercules and Iolaus lay down under the star-filled sky.  Hercules 
said, "That was really nice what you did tonight."
	"What was that?"
	"Enter the dance contest."
	"Oh, yeah, well, she's a good dancer, and I think she's found someone who 
might be good for her.  That dance contest judge is a retired fisherman who 
lives here in the village.  He has three boats he rents out to other fishermen."
	"How did you find all this out?"
	"I asked around.  Did you know Nautica and Iolaus are staying at the inn 
again tonight?"
	"Yeah, he told me they had a good time last night.  You know I don't think 
they really cared about the dance contest."
	"Me either.  He sure is a lucky man."
	"Yeah, he is that.  What about you Iolaus?  Are you thinking about getting 
married again?"
	"Maybe one day when we're too old to do what we do."
	"Yeah, maybe then," said Hercules wistfully.  Goodnight, buddy."
	"Goodnight, Hercules."

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