This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend.....Helle get out of this and tell the REAL story as I wrote it and stop with the poetic license! (How did he know I was going to try that?) Tell everyone what really happened on this move. You know they all want to know and I plan to tell them everything.
“Everything, Iolaus!!!???? I haven’t even told my husband everything!!!”
“OK, not all the private details of our visit but the fun stuff about the move, you know like the guy whose leg I broke and.......
I’m off track. Let’s start over. Hercules wasn’t quite done with getting Hebea settled so he asked me to make sure Helle’s move got off to a smooth start and I happily agreed to go. Little did I realize how hot it was going to be but Helle said it was cool compared to other years they had been in that place called Yuma, Arizona. It was smack in the middle of the desert with no trees to speak of and very few fishing holes, although Helle did manage to show me a little oasis where the fish were plentiful and it was cooler than at her place and very quiet.......
When I got to her house, Helle’s husband Orion was busy loading the motorized chariot called a moving van (man that thing was huge and they still needed more space). Helle says her husband is a packrat but I think she’s a bit of one too since she refused to part with some of the things her husband thought she should have thrown out. Anyway, we loaded and loaded and loaded and finally took a break in the hottest part of the afternoon and went to the fishing hole for a swim then to a local eatery for wonderful food like I haven’t had since I was on my travels in the East! Helle sure knew what I was hungry for since the fish weren’t biting. The next day was more packing (gods, I thought we’d never get done) (hey, Iolaus, stop with the editorializing ok?)
Finally, on the third day, after lots of packing and cleaning, we were ready to get on the road! The caravan consisted of Helle’s chariot (I think its called a minivan), her son’s (Xerxes) chariot (both of these were motorized - strange mode of transportation but fast), and this moving van thing with its trailer in tow. We finally got on the road after a really nice breakfast party and Helle cried as she left the city limits. Never did understand that since she was so ready to move but she said it was like leaving her family behind all over again because she loved the people there so much.
We made it as far as what they call a border patrol outpost - where local law enforcement people search people’s chariots for illegal stuff like people who don’t belong and drugs and such. Helle’s husband got through OK, but her son was pulled aside for an inspection and Helle wisely decided to stay with him since he’d never been inspected before and didn’t quite know what to expect and because she had seen something that looked like smoke coming out from under Xerxes’ chariot.
After the inspection, (which by the way he passed) we were back on the road and traveling through the mountains that surrounded Yuma. They aren’t really mountains because they only reach about 3,000 feet high (and that’s nowhere near as high as Olympus) but it’s as close the they get in Southern Arizona. Just past the mountains, Helle saw smoke again from under Xerxes chariot and he pulled off a few miles down the road because his vehicle was overheating. We had no sooner pulled over than a law enforcement officer pulled up behind us to see what the trouble was. After learning that Helle’s husband was on his way to a rest area about 23 miles up the road and that we had plenty of water, the officer left (setting a new land speed record I might add - Helle’s words not mine) to look for Orion. He came back empty-handed about 40 minutes later and Helle loaded all of us (3 dogs, drugged cat who was NOT happy - she was sleeping in her litterbox and yowling to beat the band even though she was drugged, and her two sons plus the two of us) up and off we headed to find Orion ourselves.
Orion had decided to give us until a certain time to get to the rest stop and he was going to come back and look for us. I spotted him just as we approached the rest stop (which is kind of like an oasis with indoor plumbing) and we pulled off and loaded him into the chariot as well (boy it was getting crowded in there!) and went back to work on the broken down vehicle.
We thought we had it fixed (like I knew anything about motorized chariots!) and off we went following Xerxes down the road. He didn’t get very far and pulled off again. Overheating again! We were near a small town and stopped there to see if we could get the problem fixed there. After what seemed like an eternity, we found that the problem was something called a radiator that was plugged and we had to go back to Yuma to get it fixed. Xerxes and Helle’s youngest son, Lokii, headed back to Yuma while Helle and I took Orion back to get the moving van so we could all go back to town for the night. Helle was in tears again and I finally managed to calm her down by distracting her with a story about one of the adventures Hercules and I had recently had before we went to help Hebea with her move. She was laughing by the time we got back to Yuma and her adopted parents house (she adopted them).
We found out that Xerxes chariot could not be fixed until the next morning and decided to relax for the evening. I went fishing while Helle and her family watched something called a video movie. That night Helle had to sleep outside with her pets because the cat and smallest dog were not dealing well with sleeping outdoors alone. I think they thought they were going to be left behind. Needless to say I enjoyed her company outside that night and it cooled off very nicely to make the night pleasant for sleeping and other things..........
The next morning dawned crystal clear and we got ready to leave but Helle couldn’t find her cat. That animal was not happy about having been drugged and didn’t want to be that way for the rest of the move so she just disappeared when it was obvious we were about to leave. We searched the neighborhood for close to an hour before Helle tearfully decided to leave and have her adopted parents call the Animal Shelter if the cat showed up. They said they’d take care of it and I knew that meant they would take the cat in and care for it.
Once we were on the road again, Helle began to calm down and enjoy the scenery around her. The desert was really beautiful and lots of the cactus were in bloom. Those tall ones they call saguaros are quite nice when they bloom (of course, they are nothing compared to the greenery near Thebes)! We made a couple of stops and then had lunch, thank the gods, I was starving!
Then off we went again, until we started climbing into the mountains between Phoenix and Flagstaff. Helle’s car started overheating and she had to drive a lot faster than the moving van could because of her chariot’s motor not quite working right. Then, when we were about 2/3 of the way up the mountain, Xerxes let everyone know that the moving van and trailer were smoking. We stopped and checked it out but found nothing so we kept going. That is, until the tire on the trailer decided to blow out and shred all over the highway!!! Helle just laughed at this setback and I knew she was laughing to keep from crying. She’d already had to rearrange the schedule and cancel visiting with friends along the way due to chariot trouble and now this ( she kept singing this little song to herself - something about if it weren’t for bad luck she’d have no luck at all).
We finally pulled off the road at a tiny little township called Black Canyon (which really isn’t a canyon at all but that’s what they call it anyway) and called the rental agency to come help with the flat tire (I think that’s what they called it). Two and a half hours later help finally showed up. Seems the first helper they had sent out was involved in a wreck and they had to hunt this guy up at his girlfriend’s house. Anyway an hour later, we had new tires on the trailer and were back on the road. Helle’s vehicle never did overheat again so we figured we were OK for a while. I just knew that, by now, Fortune was finally flipping that silly coin right and smiling on us. I was wrong.
We spent the night in the town of Flagstaff, Arizona and Helle kept saying she never expected it to take three days to get out of the state of Arizona! I was ready to get where we were going and unload the moving van. This was one strange trip so far! And it only got stranger once we reached a place called Oklahoma but that’s for later.
We finally got out of Arizona and into New Mexico on Wednesday and everybody breathed a sigh of relief that things seemed to be going our way finally. The scenery in New Mexico was unbelievably beautiful! The road was cut right through the mountains and there were wildflowers everywhere and cows grazing on the roadside. Wow, if I ever leave Thebes, I might consider this place because it was sunny and cool and I saw lots of beautiful women (ouch, stop hitting me Helle!). Anyway we got midway through New Mexico before we stopped for the night and everyone was really glad to stop early and relax in the room Orion rented. The boys wanted something called pizza and so Helle picked up this thing called a telephone and spoke into it and, about 20 minutes later, we had hot food delivered to the door. I think I like that invention if that’s the kind of results you get from talking into the thing!
Next morning, we were Texas bound and Helle couldn’t wait. She was born and raised there and kept saying, “you can take the girl out of Texas but you can’t take Texas out of the girl.” I wasn’t about to question that since Helle was happier than I’d seen her the whole trip! We stopped in Texas and picked wildflowers and Helle actually got on her hands and knees and kissed the ground! She was one happy lady but knew that she had to keep going. The part of Texas we passed through was called the panhandle. Helle said it was called that because it looks like the handle of a pan on the map - she showed me the map and it really does. Anyway, we left Texas after lunch (if you could call it that - it was well past lunch time!) and drove into Oklahoma. The road was under major construction and the idiots doing the work obviously weren’t planning for large chariots to go down that road because the lane was way too small and the moving van and trailer went off the road and almost flipped. Thank the gods Orion is a good driver and kept the van upright but Xerxes’ chariot window go broken when a rock got thrown through it by the trailer. We had to stop to make sure Lokii was OK - he was - it was a window on his side of the chariot. He was a little shaken and had glass all over him but no injuries except to Helle’s nervous system. She really loves her kids a lot and I don’t wonder why, they are a couple of terrific boys and took this move very well.
There was one point in Oklahoma when I decided to do something about these jerks called cross country truckers who kept making fun of Helle’s size. She’s lost a lot of weight recently and continues to do so and these guys don’t do anything but judge her by her size and not what’s inside. There was one who said that her arm was the size of his leg. Helle replied that his leg must not be much to talk about and he made a remark I won’t repeat in mixed company. Helle offered to show him how strong she was by breaking his leg, but I said let me have that pleasure and landed a swift kick to his mid-thigh. That leg wasn’t much to write home about because it snapped like dry twig. He and his buddies left without so much as an apology to Helle for their insensitive remarks. I got a big hug and kiss from Helle which drew a strange reaction from Orion who hadn’t seen what was going on. When I explained, he was grateful that I had taken up for his wife and told me it was a good thing I handled it and not him because he’d have broken the guy’s neck. Remind me not to make the man angry, OK?
We made it to Oklahoma City and another room for the night. Everybody (me included) needed clean clothes so Helle and Orion washed clothes while Xerxes, Lokii, and I relaxed and took care of the animals. One of their dogs looks like a small horse!! But he was the quietest one of the bunch.
Next day, it was raining and rather chilly for summertime weather and we headed towards Missouri. We didn’t stop until midmorning and Orion couldn’t park the truck where we stopped and took off to find a parking place but didn’t quite get that message across to Helle and boy, did they have a fight when they finally found each other. Helle’s got quite a temper on her and Orion can fight with the best of them (guess after 22 years in the military he should be able to). Anyway, we had breakfast (brunch?) and Helle left early under the guise of taking care of the dogs, but she was still steamed and didn’t calm down until we were back on the road and I started telling her another story of one of our adventures. She sure loves hearing those, kept asking me all kinds of questions.
We stopped for supper in a small town in the Ozark mountains and decided to go to the next town down the road for gas. Boy, was that a mistake! There were no driving rules that anyone could see and it was every man, woman, and child for himself there! Helle and Xerxes just pulled as far out of the way at the gas station as they could while Orion tried to direct traffic and get the moving van turned around. Helle said there was no way anyone could pay her enough to live in that town. She doesn’t take kindly to getting lost and she was badly lost for a while. (Was not, just could not find Orion!!! I knew where I was all the time! Really!! Iolaus stop looking at me like that!)
We stopped for the night just outside of St. Louis in a little town in Illinois and could not find a room. It took quite a while before we finally found one and everybody (me included) collapsed and slept the night through. I do not like sleeping in those buildings like that but there was no place to camp outside and it was still raining and kind of chilly and Helle said she wouldn’t sleep for worrying if I tried to camp on the parking lot so I stayed in the room with them.
On Saturday, we finally made it into Indiana and Helle laughed so hard she cried when we stopped for fuel for the motorized chariots. There was a man driving what she called a John Deere Tractor out of the gas station and down the main street of the town (I believe the town was Terre Haute). She said she hadn’t seen something like that since she was a little girl (except in something she called a music video?) Anyway, we gassed up and were on our way and finally, finally made it to Fort Wayne. Now the fun begins. Orion saw a sign that said the road we needed to get on was closed at that point so we got off on another road. Well, we got off the main road way too soon and wound up driving right through the heart of town on roads that were a little small for that big van. Besides, Helle needed to ...well, relieve herself and the road was really bumpy. That was a fun sight to see even though I knew she was hurting badly!! We finally stopped for directions and a bathroom (is that what they call it?) And Helle ran indoors faster than I thought she knew how to move. Guess what they say is true about emergencies and people doing things they never thought possible.
We got directions and off we went but we took a couple of wrong turns and wound up about five miles from where we needed to be so Orion left the moving truck in a parking lot of a school and got into the van with us and off we went to find where we were supposed to be staying. Once we got a room for the night, Orion and Xerxes went back to get the moving van and Lokii, Helle, the dogs and I set about getting the room set up for the night. We got supper at a local restaurant and Xerxes was offered a job on the spot. Not even in town three hours and the kid was already working. Nice job, Xerxes.
We went back to the room and called Terpsichore to let her know we were in town and she was delighted! She said we’d all get together soon and true to her word, she showed up on the next afternoon to invite us to her place for dinner. She’s a wonderful cook and I thoroughly enjoyed the meal she fixed, so did everyone else. Terps also showed Helle and Orion a house she knew of that was for rent and Orion called about it the next day. They wouldn’t let them have all their pets and Helle wasn’t about to give up any more of her animals. The family looked at several more houses (one of the owners actually wanted the family to put their animals in cages when they left the house!!!) and none of them seemed quite right, so Orion was about to take one that Helle really didn’t want. She kept saying, “The right house is out there we just have to find it and it may take some patience to do so.” She was right. One of the houses they found on Monday (two days after they got to town) was just what Helle wanted and, finally late Monday night, the landlord was able to show it to the family and they signed the lease on the spot. Tuesday we began the move-in process. That moving van was really loaded up and it took us all day (even with Herc’s help) to unload it (in the rain) and get it turned in.
Helle’s house is really nice! They have a nice family-type room in the front and it has a fireplace. Would you believe the fireplace is made with purple bricks? I think it’s great and Helle does too but Orion just says it has character. Is that some kind of insult to me? There’s plenty of room for each of the boys and the room for Helle and Orion has its own indoor plumbing and more space than my first house with Ania had total! They seem happy there and I love to visit. Her property has 14 trees with squirrels and rabbits and lots of birds! I never go hungry there, that’s for sure!
Herc showed up on the day we unloaded the van and told me about a festival about three days walk from Fort Wayne and I really needed the exercise so we left as soon as we got all the boxes into Helle’s house and barn (no wait, she called it a garage). But I told Helle I’d be back for something called the Three Rivers Festival in mid-summer and again this fall to watch Lokii perform with the marching band at his high school. This is one place I could visit very often. There are lots of lakes for fishing and trees and open spaces for camping and game galore. Yep, I think I’m going to be a frequent visitor there, especially since Orion doesn’t seem to mind me showing up and keeping Helle company from time to time. You know, I like that guy a lot!!
Well, Herc and I are off to a festival so I will end this travel scroll for now and wish Helle and her family the best on finding work and settling in. Helle I’ll be back before you know I’m gone if this festival isn’t what Herc says it should be.
End
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