Limericks from October 10 to December 31, 1998

......Bwell, the Avenger

Once an Iolausian, Bwell, went berserk
Cause her Computer was becoming hard to work
It pushed her too far
So she ran over it in her car
And blamed it on the big bad OGRE, the jerk.

Disclaimer: Bwell's computer did not sustain damage from the car. Her family is seeking professional counselling for her at the moment.

Bwell

Iolaus is dead! Or is he, they cried,
Nobody really knew,
Rumours are read, slides have been spied,
But we still have no tangible clue.

Dormouse

To all the Iolausian newbies I've missed
I sincerely hope you've not felt "dissed"
RL has been like a fetter
But now I feel better
Glad you found your way to this wonderful list

Bwell

First Impressions"

Or

A quick guide to the H:TLJ characters.......

The hero is Hercules, tall dark and handsome,
His good deeds carry not, a price or a ransom,
His strength is phenominal,
His foes are demonsterable,
He is quick to step in and despatch them.

Iolaus the sidekick, the hunter, the fighter,
Do not be fooled by his cute smile or stature,
He's loyal and tustworthy,
Helps seeks out the adversary,
In more ways than one he is lovelier.

Joxer the Mighty, comes across as a fool,
Though he's often to be found in the midst of a brawl,
He tries really hard,
But his actions are marred,
No outshininng the hero's the rule.

Salmoneous the trader, a profit his gamble,
He's constantly looking for a unqiue angle,
In pleasure or pain,
His role entertains,
But in cowardice runs from a wrangle.

Charon the boatman, the Styx his domain,
Once you've crossed over, you usually remain,
His job is to paddle,
A coin for his trouble,
Unless Hercules is your name.

Hades of the underworld, he makes the decisions,
Of whether it's Tartarus or perhaps The Elysians,
That mortal souls go to,
When their lives are but all through,
Though occasionally he gives one remission.

Hera, the wicked Queen, life full of hatred,
Unable to rest until Zeus' son's found dead.
Her attempts are quite various,
And extremely nefarious,
But fortunately her chances aren't rated.

Hephestous the forger, sculps weapons for gods,
He's fallen for 'Dite despite all the odds,
Though his face bears a scar,
His Art's awesome by far,
And his pet is a panther not dog.

Orestes the King, is Iolaus' double,
Has it's uses when trying to avoid any trouble,
The enemy confounded,
Their attempts are rebounded,
When which one is who is the muddle.

The Godess of Love is called Aphrodite,
She's usually portrayed as being rather flighty,
(or She's scantily dressed in what looks like a nighty :-)
Despite disappearances,
And a few interferences,
Her emotional powers are quite mighty.

Xena the Warrior, Princess her title,
Her quest to right wrongs and do good is vital,
She's adorned with vast weapons, (like her round killing thing :-)
With which she does threaten,
You've lost if you face her in battle.

Gabrielle her friend and travelling companion,
A gifted Bard, good at great story telling,
Though she fights just with sticks,
She knows lots of tricks,
But falls short of actual bodily killing.

Nemesis has good looks, you could she's say quite beautiful,
She now works for the gods and is there in quite dutiful,
Dishing out retribution,
That's her contribution,
But against our Iolaus is most indefensible. :-)

Zeus is the old god, the King of them all,
His power he manifests as a bright lightening ball,
Has an eye for the women,
Shows pride when his son wins,
But is known to hide when he hears Hera call.

************

And there ends my list, though I'm sure I have missed, Forgive me I plead, and enjoy the good read,
Of the episodes have I seen only few.

And my favourite? you ask, for the list is quite vast,
There appears a wide grin on my face,
Without hessitation save a slight palpitation,
The answer of course, is Iolaus.

Dormouse

Welcome Thalia, our new Iolausian friend
To a place where the discussions never end
So grab a chair
just sit anywhere
And enjoy the best fanfic that ever was penned

Ziggy, Now I just love your name
Glad to see you in this Iolausian game
The stories are great
I'm telling ya straight
Having fun is always our aim

Welcome to our cookie baking Iolausian Ruth
We're so glad you reached us this is the truth
You're never too old
to be an Amazon bold
In Iolausianland we all retain our youth.

Bwell

Charon have I never seen on tv
that puts me in such misery,
The time slot Fox changed
made my brain go deranged
lets all make some noise and set it free!

Iris

The fan fiction is great, please let us have more,
Do tell us tales of what more is in store,
For our heros adventures,
Are packed full of pleasures,
And are sure to pass into folklore.

Dormouse

Welcome to our new Iolausian friend, Eileen
To the most incredible place you've ever seen
Loads of fanfic
full of old hunter's tricks
And a plethora of fine folks on which you can lean.

Bwell

Welcome to the IML, our new Iolausian friend Kat
Where the Iolaus Fanfic is never flat
It's awfully exciting
And very inviting
And you'll find your fellow Iolausians always up for a chat.

Hello, Teresa, We're glad to make you aware
As to why we Iolausians don't say Sh***
Well, it's simple you see
Iolaus is here with me
The S word would mean I'd have to send him over there.

Hi Harmony, The Golden Hunter is a name I just love
The smile, golden curls, and spirit are born from above
He simply just thrills
Us with his many skills
People who love Iolaus on the IML fit like a hand in glove.

To Bron, we're so glad you've peeked out of lurkdom now
To Sh*** with us such creativity, you've got it and how
We all will win
As your tales you spin
Iolausians will create as much fun as the law will allow.

Bwell

Welcome to Beth from your new Iolausian friends
To a place where the joy never ends
So pull up a seat
This place is really neat
"Jump right in and enjoy this place," Bwell recommends.

Welcome to the IML, dear B5
to enjoy fandom is to what we all strive
There is no adversity
To our growing diversity
We only get testy when TPTB plan to Iolaus deprive.

Silent Watcher, please be silent no more
Believe me, discussing Iolaus is no chore
Your words ring so sincere
We want to know you here
Leave lurkdom forever, and with us Iolaus adore.

Bwell

Congratulations, we all think this is neat
That you've had your work published Arete
We're all quite proud
I want to join in the crowd
To the bookstores, Iolausians, time to get off our feet.

Bwell

There once was an Iolausian who thought long and hard
To discover a secret word, it should've been easy for a bard
But to her despair
Couldn't find it anywhere
She could have posted the dictionary the ImL to bombard

So this Iolausian with latent limerickian tendencies
Compounded by wicked Cliffhanger Dependencies
Released a demented giggle
When rhymes started to wiggle
In an Iolaus deprived mind,trying to ignore Dahok Acendencies

But don't stop reading, there'll be no spoilers here
Only thoughts of A Golden Hunter, so dear
She wanted him to know
In her heart, he'll always glow
With an inspiration That supercedes the stories we fear

Bwell

The Hunt

Through the forest Iolaus did walk
Dinner, he had plans to stalk
His stomach rumbled
"Be quiet," he mumbled
But it persistently continued to mock

"Oh, where are the quail?"
He was determined not to fail
If he did, he'd be sure to catch some flack
For in the teasing arts, he friend didn't lack
Which was certain to make him wail.

There was silence from the nearby tree
Warning Iolaus that he should flee
The hunter slowly turned round
And discovered the reason for the lack of sound
It was a sight he hadn't wanted to see.

There, not farther than a hair
Stood a huge and menacing bear
Iolaus swallowed a gulp
And hoped he didn't end up in a pulp
And hauled to this bear's lair

Iolaus sweetly smiled
To keep the bear from getting riled
He began to back away
"Let's not eat me for lunch, OK?"
He wished this was a girl he could beguile

The bear remained perfectly still
Not jumping to the final kill
When far away, Iolaus had crept
He turned and ran to where Herc slept
In the shade on top of the hill

"Wow! Herc, you won't believe
There was this bear with claws that cleave!"
"Well, I'm glad you were the winner
But where is my dinner?
Did the bear take it and leave?"

"Herc, who can eat?
I'm off on my feet
I'm too tired to cook
You'll have to take my hook
And catch a fish instead of meat"

Hercules rose and sighed
"At least you tried
Guess it's up to me to save the day
But I'm sure we'll find there is a way
Someday, I'll be sure you're cooking's not denied.

Ceryndip

"We need someone to challenge Herk!" they cried
"An odd demon storyline can just be supplied"
They went out of their head
And made Iolaus dead
"We value our fans," TPTB said, but they lied.

"Sure, when the deed is done you'll hear a sob"
"Put Michael in a new character, he can do the job
Not many can do
Create loyalty too.
Sure, they'll love the angst.Hey! Who's that mob?"

"Stop!" screamed the Iolausians in one voice.
"You're not giving us much of a choice."
Our Loyalty to Michael won't sway
but many are walking away
You've slapped us and expect us to rejoice?"

"Yes! We have faith in Michael to bring new joys,
When will you realize our hearts are not toys?
It's not too late
To avoid this terrible fate
Be prepared to hear Iolausians make some noise."

Bwell