The IML were whooping it up
In the Gorgon's Whistle Saloon -
A-trading tales and tossing darts
Occasionally howling at the moon
They were a crew of rowdy Amazons,
and the bawdiest bards who'd put paper to pen
That's when someone sitting in the back cried out
"What this place needs is some MEN!"
"Speak for yourself," said the lesbian group,
so of course, she yelled it again.
Now seeing as the drinks were flowing free,
No one wanted to leave and troll for a man or two
Besides, it was a dark and stormy night
(It's a cliche, but in this case it was true)
Someone knocked once and someone knocked twice
And then kicked open the door.
There was a crack of lightning coming from behind
Throwing a black shadow on the floor
And then the thunder growled like tigers
And in stalked a scowling God of War
"Ladies, " he snarled, "I'm here to get laid."
He expected them to tremble with dread
But the drinks had been heady and spicy to boot
"Hot damn!" was the yell instead
Stefka's done a favor for Heffy or two
And had been showered with metal trinkets galore
She gave a nod to Laurie at the bar
And slammed and locked the door.
She'd wondered about those handcuffs he'd given her,
She'd never tried them out before.
"I'm the God of War!" Ares bellowed,
"Cringe you wenches in fear!"
But when he was spread-eagle on the pool table,
His screaming was awful to hear.
They diced for his shirt, cut cards for his pants,
Played scissors, paper, stone for his vest,
Give them credit, they left him his boots,
Only because they thought they looked best,
And then the dart game broke out -
High score getting the first test.
They rode him red, they rode him white
They rode him black and blue
They went through the line twice
Before thinking up something new.
First came the chocolate, then whipped cream
And found the sweet quite nice,
Then Ruth dumped on a pint of chicken wing sauce
To give things a little spice,
There was a round of Maalox after that,
And discussion on the next vice
And entering in to that den of sin,
That place of godling's remorse,
Came a smiling blond man, with a fabulous tan
(It was Iolaus of course)
Now the pack jumped up with whoops of glee
Ready for something new,
"Now, now, ladies, there's plenty for all,
Let's just share a tale or two."
"I've adventures and more yet to spare -
Let's have a round of brew."
So he spun a tale of glory
And one of adventure too,
And in between he called each time
For a round or two of brew,
(Now, twas sworn he drank along with the rest,
but I can't say it's true.)
Now then came a poem, and next a song,
And another round of brew, and then came one more,
Until one by one, each lecherous wench
Slipped gracefully to the floor.
"Quick! Unchain me!" Ares wailed,
Iolaus looked at him and gave a leer,
"What would Lessa pay for a picture of this?
Oh, I'll get you out all right, after all that's why I'm here.
But only on one condition, pal -
YOU have to pay for the beer."
The IML were whooping it up
In the Gorgon's Whistle Saloon -
A-trading tales and tossing darts
Occasionally howling at the moon
But no ones playing pool there now,
The table's become a shrine,
Dedicated to the lust of the wenches
The manacles are polished till they shine -
In anticipation of certain Hunter's next visit -
He's not getting away next time!
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